AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I still need a wife. I still need an heir. Our marriage could be annulled on the grounds I have now—but she could already be pregnant with my child. Adrik said that she asked for contraception the morning after he came in her—the thought still makes me see red, makes me want to punish her all over again and beat him to a pulp for the second time—and if he’s telling the truth, he hasn’t fucked her since then. But I’m not entirely certain I believe that.
I certainly don’t believe anything out of her lying mouth.
“Theo.” She breathes my name, and it makes my chest ache, knowing that not so long ago, it would have been with desire. Now, it’s with fear.
“You bit off more than you could chew with this,cailín,” I tell her, my voice low and hard. “I was beginning to care for you, but now I see the truth. I’ve had it all laid out for me.”
She starts to open her mouth, and I hold up a hand. “I don’t want to hear a word,” I tell her flatly. “You will listen, and be silent.”
I give her a moment, to be sure she understands, and then I continue. “You will not leave this room, or this house, until tomorrow when we fly back to Chicago. And you will not be allowed to leave our home there, until I’ve decided how to handle this. I will let you know when I’ve decided what it is that I will do.”
She’s trembling, there on the bed. Once, I would have gone to her. Once, I would have done anything to make the fear in her eyes vanish.
Now, I simply turn and walk away, out of the room—and away from the marriage I once hoped to have.
Everything has changed now.
Marika
I’m not sure I’ve ever been so terrified.
Maybe in the compound, when I was kidnapped by Ivan Narokov—but I’m not even sure if that was worse than this. Then, at least, I had some expectation of what those men would do to me. I was prepared for violence, for pain. Now—
I hadn’t been prepared for this, from Theo. But I should have been.
“I was so stupid,” I whisper, sinking down to sit on the edge of the bed, wincing even despite how soft the bed is against my bruised and reddened ass. I took a shower after Theo left, washing myself clean despite his insistence that his cum should remain inside of me—it’s not as if it matters, anyway.
Another secret, one that he hasn’t uncovered yet. I’m terrified to think of what will happen if he does.
How did I think I could keep this from him?
And now he knows for certain. I close my eyes, trying not to think of what he must have done to Adrik, trying not to put that guilt on myself. I drew Adrik into this by choosing to sleep with him, even though I knew it could never go anywhere, even though I knew the consequences would be dire if anyone ever found out. But Itoldhim about Theo. I told him that I would have to stay away from him, until my marriage was finished.
And I never, never asked him to follow me here to Ireland. I would never have asked him for anything so dangerous. If I had known he planned it, I would have told him to stay in Chicago. I would haveorderedit, if I thought it would do any good.
But Adrik would never have listened to me. I know that. And now—
I can’t begin to imagine what Theo’s done to him. All I know is that it was enough that Theo knows the truth now. He knows that Adrik took my virginity, that it wasn’t only the once, that it wasn’t forced. He knows that we were together, that I promised Adrik that in time, we would figure things out. He knows I kissed Adrik back in the alley that day in Dublin.
I wonder if Adrik told him about all the times I defended Theo, insisted that we needed to stop, that I pushed him away when he came up to the bedroom, and slapped him after the kiss. Somehow, I doubt it. I think, after what Theo no doubt did to him, Adrik would be too angry to think rationally, and try to salvage some of my part in all of this.
The one thing I don’t think he spilled was the plot that Nikolai hatched to bring Theo down, and my part in it. If he had, I don’t know that I would still be alive right now. Certainly not still unbruised and in one piece, after Theo came up to tell me what he’d learned from Adrik.
What is he going to do to me?I clutch the sides of the bed, my heart hammering in my chest. I’m not allowed to leave this room until tomorrow, when I’ve been told that we’ll fly back to Chicago. And then—
I have no idea.
My face is swollen from crying, my head aching. Everything has fallen apart, and I don’t know how I thought it would play out any differently. I don’t know how I believed that I would get through this without Theo finding out, without him knowing what we were up to.
I feel insane for ever thinking that was possible. And angry—angry with myself for being so foolish, angry with Nikolai for putting me in this position, angry with Theo for not understanding how I might have wanted to have something for myself after what happened, for not wanting to give myself to the highest bidder, for not believing me or even listening when I tried to tell him that I’d put a stop to it once we were engaged—or tried to, anyway.
This morning, I’d been so happy. Now I feel nothing but anger and hurt and grief—and so much fear. Enough fear to drown in.
All I can do is try to find some way to keep busy, so I spend the time packing my bags, feeling the deep ache in my chest worsen as I fill up the suitcases with the clothes that I only just took out. I hadn’t wanted to go on this trip—but then we’d arrived, and Theo was so different, and I found myself looking forward to the days and weeks ahead. I found myself not wanting to go back to Chicago, enjoying the idea of the idyllic life here that he painted a picture of for me. I hadn’t been in any hurry for the trip to end.
Now it’s over, unceremoniously and in the most terrifying way, and I feel as if I have emotional whiplash.
Just get through it one moment at a time,I tell myself as I fill up one suitcase and zip it closed.There’s nothing you can do now except for that.
