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I nearly came on the spot.
Just before he reached me, I held up my hand. “Let me explain before you spank me into six orgasms.”
His brow winged up. “Only six?”
I laughed and gave up on keeping my distance. I belonged in his arms, even when I’d pissed him off.
Much to my relief, he drew me into a tight embrace and brushed a kiss over my forehead. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“At least we’ll really live first.” I didn’t argue when he tugged my shirt back over my head. It really was too cold to be sitting around half naked.
Dammit.
Pulling on his hand, I led him to the other end of the roof. I sat down, letting my legs dangle over the edge, waiting to speak until he sat beside me.
“This was my bedroom.” I tapped the window beside us and chanced a glance inside at the darkened, empty room. Back in the old days, there had been talk in the neighborhood that my house was haunted. I’d always kind of hoped to see a ghost. “We lived here until I was ten and started getting some nibbles on the music scene. My parents said we outgrew this place, but the truth was our money had.”
Not to my mind, it hadn’t. I would’ve been happy living there throughout my childhood. My days there were the last ones it had felt like my parents and I were a real family.
Jed didn’t say anything, just stroked his thumb over my knuckles. Back and forth, gently reassuring.
“I used to come out here and sing. Quietly at first, so I didn’t wake up my parents or the neighbors. Eventually I’d lose myself in my music and I’d forget to be quiet. Then my dad would come outside and shush me.” I smiled at the memory. “After that, I’d just make wishes on stars.” I looked up and sucked in a breath at the view, as I always did. Pinprick stars studded the navy sky as if someone had tossed up a fistful of diamonds. “See how clear they are up here?”
He shifted behind me, sliding his legs along mine until they were caged in. His arms wrapped around my waist and I rested my head against his chest, more content than I’d ever been. “What did you wish for?” he asked against my temple.
“This.” I gripped his strong forearm, digging in because I had to. I needed to believe he was real. “I wanted to matter to someone. I didn’t really understand adult love yet, but I was already into boys.” I bit my lip. “I was sorta boy crazy actually.”
“No kidding.”
I pushed my elbow into his gut, but he only laughed.
“I didn’t actuallydoanything about it. But yeah, I was dreaming by then. I dreamed about being a famous singer too. I was already going to talent shows, and music was what I loved the most. School bored me, but music was my favorite class.” I grimaced. Some of my memories weren’t so sweet. “I used to sing the loudest so people would tell me I was good.”
“Did they?”
“No. Most of them ignored me. Some tried to kick my ass.”
“Jealous,” he murmured, kissing my ear.
“No, I was a conceited little twit and they called me on it.” I sighed. “In retrospect, I wish I’d held onto some of that, because I’m definitely not that confident now. I struggle constantly. Everything I do for validation threatens to destroy my confidence completely. That’s melodramatic, but you understand.” I twisted around to face him, unsurprised to see he’d clenched his jaw once again. “Don’t you?”
“Yeah. It’s different, but yeah. Anytime you put parts of yourself out there to be judged, it’s hard.”
“Who judged you?” I asked quietly, hoping he would tell me.
For a moment, he didn’t reply. He finally began to speak in a low, emotionless voice. He told me about growing up in a family with several generations of cops and rising through the ranks in the city police department where he’d started his career. He didn’t specifically tell me that he felt he’d been given promotions he didn’t deserve due to his family connections but I surmised it.
“It caused some tension with me and the other guys, my partner especially. Then one day we were on an undercover mission, and we were at this tenement in the Bronx.”
I fought not to shudder as he described the creepy feel of the nearly abandoned place. Dark, broken-down, decrepit. His voice dropped lower and lower as he spoke.
“There was some movement around a corner, and I reacted, thinking I’d finally spotted the perp. I was so eager to prove that I deserved my spot on the force.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I shot my partner instead. He could’ve died.”
My first tendency was to comfort, but I sensed he didn’t want that. So much of what we were together was based on instinct, on gut-level knowing, and that connection between us wouldn’t fail now. “He didn’t die.”
“No. He spent some time in the hospital. He’s okay now. Actually, he got married a few months after that.” Jed smiled faintly. “Said he’d seen the light.”
“Like in the tunnel or metaphorically?”
