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"You sound surprised."
I shake my head. "I’m not surprised. I knew it would be like stabbing myself with my hockey stick to cause her any pain. But the intensity of it, how horrifying it felt… How it felt like I was tearing off a part of myself, to realize I might never get to see her again… I wasn’t prepared for that," I concede.
She puts her hands on her hips. "I repeat, why do you want to see her?"
"To apologize to her."
"And if she isn’t appeased?"
"Then I’ll do anything,anything, to make it up to her."
She purses her lips, then a look of surprise dawns on her feature. "You do mean it, don’t you?"
"Of course I do."
"You’d better grovel hard enough to make it up to what you did to my girl. You broke her heart."
"I broke mine, too." I roll my shoulders. "Please, let me talk to her. That’s all I ask."
She draws in a breath, then nods. "She’s in the bedroom." She steps aside.
"Thank you." I take a shaky step forward, and when my knees seem to hold up my weight, I manage to make it across the floor and to the bedroom.
"Don’t make me regret it," Mira calls out from behind me.
I glance back in her direction. "I won't," I promise. I pause at the door, then knock on it. "Goldie? Can I come in?"
62
Gio
"Goldie, please?"
I push my back into the door and squeeze my eyes shut.I can’t do this. I can’t see him. I don’t want to see him.If I do, it’ll only weaken me, and I can’t let that happen. Not after how he strung me along. And I thought he had feelings for me. I was sure I saw the tenderness in his eyes. Glimpsed affection, perhaps even, a liking… maybe, love for me. I was sure he’d never hurt me.
I was wrong. Again. I really know how to pick 'em, huh? I had my heart broken and dared to believe in love. And now, I'm paying the price. How am I going to recover from this? How?
"Goldie, give me a chance, please. One chance to make it up to you. That’s all I ask."
I hear the plea in his voice, and something knotted in my chest begins to loosen. I steel myself against the barrage of feelings that pour through my veins. I can’t let myself soften toward him, I can’t, no matter that he’s apologizing. If I did, I’d never forgive myself. I’d never look at myself in the mirror with self-respect again. And will I forgive myself if I don't give him a chance?
"Goldie?"
A ripple squeezes my insides. He must have placed his palm against the door, for I swear, I can feel the imprint on the small of my back.
"Please?" He lowers his voice to a hush, and my nerve-endings spark.
"You’re not playing fair," I manage to choke out. "If you use that tone of voice, you know I’ll obey you, and I don’t want to. I don’t."
"Then open the door."
"Why should I?"
"I need to see your face. Please, baby."
"Don’t. Don’t call me by any endearments you don’t mean."
"But I do. It’s true I was angry with you. That I was holding onto a grudge against you. That perhaps, a small part of me still holds you responsible for what happened with my sister. But I’m trying, Goldie. I promise, I am."
