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"Stop.” She bursts out, “Don’t say things you don’t mean."
"But I do mean it. How can I convince you that I missed you?"
She locks her fingers in her lap. "I don’t know. Do you have a time machine? Can you go back and change what you did to me?"
I sigh and look away. "I wish I did, Goldie. God knows, I wish I did. I really am sorry."
She scoffs, "You have a fine way of showing it."
"If you mean not keeping in touch with you—"
"That’s exactly what I mean. No phone, no email, no messages. Nothing. Not even updates on your social media accounts."
"You checked my social media?"
She tosses her head. "I didn’t mean to. I was scrolling and chanced upon it and—" She jerks her chin in my direction. "Are you pulling my leg? You know what my job requires."
I allow myself a small twitch of my lips.
"Oh my god, youdidmake a joke."
"I’m trying…for you."
She gnaws on her lower lip but doesn’t reply.
I focus on the road and grip the wheel. "You should have let me take out that motherfucker," I say in a low voice.
"And let you spend the rest of your life behind bars?" She snorts.
I raise my shoulders. "I know enough people in the right places."
She glances out the window. "I forget you were a soldier, so killing isn’t a stretch for you."
I steer the car off the highway, continuing to focus on the road. "I’ll do anything to keep you safe, Goldie."
"Including letting me go?"
I swallow.How do I reply to that, especially when she’s right?
"Or is it that you see another man putting his hand on me and you can’t bear it? I can’t be yours, but you don’t want me to be anyone else’s, either." Her chin trembles.
"Goldie, please, don’t." My chest feels too tight, my skin too prickly. "I can’t bear to see you like this."
"I’m not sure what you want from me. Why are you even here?" She stiffens, then turns to me. "How did you get here? How did you know where I was?"
My neck heats. If I tell her I had her followed, she’s bound to hate me. If I don’t tell her… No, that’s not an option.
At some point on my way here, I decided I was going to do things the right way this time. Which means, no more hiding, no more secrets. Which means, being open and honest and letting her see who I am. If I want a relationship with her, if I want her in my life, if I want to keep my wife happy and keep her by my side for the rest of my life, it means swallowing my pride and being upfront with her and letting her see my shortcomings. It means, letting her decide for herself if she wants to be with me. It means… Giving her the freedom to decide. And that's the most difficult thing of all, when all I want to do is tie her to me and never let her go. It means telling her: "I had eyes on you."
"Excuse me?" She gapes. "Did you say—"
"You didn’t think I'd let you leave and not make sure you were safe?"
She opens and shuts her mouth. "So all this time, since I’ve been in L.A.—"
"I hired the security agency I used to work for. I told them to follow you at a safe distance and in a way that wasn’t intrusive at all. I only asked them to protect you and notify me if you were in danger."
"So, that’s why I had the feeling I was being watched," she bursts out.
