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She looks up at me, and her eyes are languorous. Her features are flushed. "I want to help, but I have my period."
"So?"
She blinks. "There’s… a lot of blood down there."
"I’m not one to shy away from a rainbow kiss, baby."
Her features turn as red as the blood she referred to. "You mean you’d—"
"Kiss your pussy while you’re on your period? Absolutely—"
"—not." She begins to back away, but I tighten my hold on her. "Where do you think you’re going?"
"Oh, um, I don’t think it’s sanitary, you putting your mouth down there when I’m…you know—" She winces a little.
I frown. "What’s wrong?"
"Cramps, that’s all. I get them when I have my period. Also, my breasts get tender.” I glance down at the jut of her chest. “And my legs hurt sometimes, and I feel all bloated and yucky, so—"
"So you’re not in the mood to fuck."
She winces again.
"Itisfucking, isn’t it?" I watch her reaction closely.
"Only fucking," she says in a remote voice, and it pisses me off. And I don’t know why. Itisfucking. That’s all there can be between us. So, why do I want to kiss that sad look off her face, and smooth out the furrows in her forehead, and hold her close and soothe and tell her…what exactly? That we're no longer playing make-believe? That I'm developing feelings for her?
Which is why I told her I was setting boundaries, in the first place. I'm running scared. I can face down a puck traveling at 170 miles per hour, but at the first sign she's getting to me, I'm ready to run?
No, I'm not a coward. I have other things I need to focus on. I can’t let this go any further, but I also can’t turn my back on her. Not when we convinced Grams to go in for her surgery. Once she’s completed it, then perhaps, I can break off this engagement and focus on proving myself in hockey.
Hockey is the one thing I’ve always wanted in life, the one thing I haven’t been able to have. I had to settle for an alternate career, and it always rankled me that I couldn’t pursue my dream of leading my team into the finals of the Cup. And while the League isn’t the Cup, it's as important in this part of the world. It'll give me a chance to redeem myself in my own eyes. Give me a chance to be noticed among my peers around the world. This is the chance I’ve been waiting for. The only chance I'll get. I only have a few more years left of playing professionally on the ice.
I cannot afford the distraction that comes with getting involved with a woman. Ialmostfucked her… but it cannot go further than that. I release her, then step back. "Lay down."
37
Gio
"Excuse me?" I frown up at him. "Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not in the mood to fuck."
"There won’t be any fucking involved."
"Then why do you want me to—"
"I thought you said you trust me?"
I lock my fingers together and begin to play with the ring on my left hand, then realize what I’m doing and stop. I cannot get used to this piece of jewelry. I’ll have to return it to him, at some point. Soon, by the looks of it. His grandmother will have the procedure, and Dennis will give up any hope he harbors of getting together with me. The thought doesn’t upset me as much as I thought it would. Perhaps, I'm getting over what he did to me? No doubt, all this interaction with Rick is helping me move on, as well.
"Do you, Goldie?" He tilts his head. "Do you trust me?"
I’m attracted to him, a lot. I’m not sure, yet, if I like him. But trusting him? Yeah, my instinct says he’s not like Dennis. He’s not using me as arm candy. He’s not going to take advantage of me—not unless I ask him to—and he’s not going to do anything I don’t want. I do trust him. More than I ever did Dennis. More than I do my own mother, with whom I’ve never had a great relationship.
I’ve always trusted myself, always held myself up to high standards. I’ve always relied on myself to get things done, to overcome challenges. And I should think of him as one, too, only, I know there’s more to it than that. This connection I’ve felt to him since the first time I saw him signals to me I can trust him.
When I nod, he releases a breath. His shoulders relax. He nods toward the bed. "Lay down, Goldie."
I lower myself back onto the bed and, instantly, feel even more at a disadvantage. I open my mouth to tell him this is a mistake, but he beats me to it.
