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Mason woke up happy for the first time in so long that he couldn’t quite remember when he’d last felt this way. But today, he had the woman he loved in his arms, his body wrapped around hers, her sweet ass snuggled into his aching erection, her hair draped over his neck, and her head resting on his arm. He kissed the back of her head and rubbed his hand down over her hip and thigh.
“Mmm.” She put her hand over his and squeezed but remained content against him. “Do you have to go to work?” The words were slurred with sleep and mumbled. The grip she kept on his hand said she wanted him to stay.
“I’m on paid leave for the next month, so I can decompress and finish the counseling sessions I started back in December.” He hugged her close. He was never anxious to share his feelings about the bad shit that went down on the job. He didn’t want to rehash the details over and over again, and in the past he’d said and done what he needed to do to get back to work.
But he’d realized something in those weeks he’d been away from Lyric over the holidays. The nightmares in his life had piled up. He didn’t sleep well. Hehad a short fuse. And he couldn’t enjoy being with his family the way he used to.
He didn’t know how to be happy and carefree anymore.
But when he was with Lyric, he could breathe and let everything else go because she made it so easy for him to focus on one thing. Her.
And while he loved their time together and found himself easily opening up to her because he wanted everything between them to be honest, he’d still been lying. He didn’t want her to see the broken parts of him. He’d tried to hide them.
And what he really needed to do was heal them.
He needed to change his life so he could be in hers.
She shifted in his arms and turned to face him. Her beautiful blue eyes were filled with understanding and sympathy. “I can’t imagine what it’s like being undercover and away from your family and friends, lying day in and day out, with a threat hanging over your head every second.”
“You imagine it very well, Angel.”
“Those are just words. You lived like that. I can’t fathom the disappointment you felt when you missed a family event, or your friends invited you out, but you couldn’t go.”
It sucked. Each and every time. And every time it happened, it felt worse. “I lost most of my friends. When you never show up, they stop calling and asking you to come. Most of the people in my life now are fellow agents who get the job. But then it’s just us blowing off steam and rehashing cases.”
She traced his lips with her fingertip. “Because they get it, and they know you get it.”
“Not exactly good times,” he admitted.
Her fingers swept over his brow, and she looked deep into his eyes. “You must have felt very alone.”
“Most of the time I am while on a case. I have Nick and other agents I check in with as I funnel information to them, but...”
“It’s not like having someone there with you experiencing it, supporting you through it.”
He didn’t know what to say because it was true. It was his ass on the line. He had backup, but that only came when he called. He could be dead before anyone knew his cover had been blown. He was good at his job, but even he’d come close a couple times to being outed as a cop. The people and groups he infiltrated had little trust or mercy for traitors.
Lyric’s soft fingertips traced along his hard jaw. “I respect what you do. It’s incredibly brave and necessary. And if you want to keep doing it, I will support you, because I know it’s something you believe in doing.” Such faith, such trust, and so much generosity to allow him to do what he loved if that’s what he wanted, even if it meant it took him away from her.
He slid his fingers into her silky hair and held her softly. “I’m done. I’ve already told Nick I can’t do it anymore. My heart’s not in it. My head . . . I can’t take anymore. Bad people, doing bad shit with glimpses of good few and far between. It’s sucking the life out of me. Now, it seems, I see a couple and I envy them. I see a dad with his wife and kids and wonder if I’ll ever have that. And I know if I keep doing what I’m doing, the only thing I’ll have is an impressive arrest record and an early grave. That’s not a life, Angel. I’ve been mired in the darkest parts of humanity. I want the good stuff back in my life.” He kissed her softly. “I want to spend real time with my family. I want toget to know all of them again. Most of all, I want to be with you. I want to love you and be loved by you. You want to buy a house, let’s do it. You want to have some kids, I can’t wait. You want to travel, you tell me where and we’ll go. Whatever you want, anything you want, I’m in.”
“Montana.”
“What?”
“After I introduce you to my parents, I’d like to meet yours. I’d love to see your place up there. You must want to go home. And I’d love to properly meet your brother.”
He pulled her to him, his forehead to hers, eyes locked. “Right now, I’m really happy right here with you.” But yeah, he wanted to go home. So badly. Soon.
But first, he needed to eliminate the threat against her. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Me first.”
He brushed his fingers through her hair again. “What is it?”
“I want you to know, you can share anything and everything with me. You don’t have to hold anything back.”
“I know. You proved that last night when you didn’t kick me out because of what happened with Max and Kenna. They’re your family. And I put them in danger.”
