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“It does require pretty serious endurance,” Rafe said with a smile.
Warmth spread in her chest at that, and she thought for a moment that maybe they would get over this tension after all. But when he swung himself up onto the bench beside her, she knew it would never happen.
Desire washed over her at the feel of his heat so close to her. The scent of him alone was enough to drive her wild. Turning her head slightly, she sucked in a big breath of fresh air and prayed to the gods to give her a little self-control.
It was probably only by their blessing that Tally and Nanee-12 were with them for this journey. She couldn’t fling herself into his lap with two witnesses.
“So, what are your plans for your land, Miss Jade?” Tally asked, distracting her from her thoughts.
“I’m going to raise lichen-deer,” she told him, feeling relieved and grateful to talk about something other than Rafe. “For now, we only have this one, but I’m going to be getting a small herd next week.”
“That’s a great business,” Tally told her. “We don’t have near enough deer or conveyances here on Sigg-3. It’s a point of tension with some of the further flung settlements.”
She nodded, wondering where her two friends had ended up. Surely not anywhere close to the town of Rothbart, or she would know about it.
“I’ve never raised animals before,” she admitted to Tally. “But I’ve been reading up.”
“If you can take care of a baby, you can do anything,” Tally told her with a gentle smile.
“What about you?” she asked. “I know you’re just getting ready for your exams, but do you know what you want to do after you finish school?”
“Not really,” he said, frowning. “It used to drive my dad crazy. But I’d really like to stay on the frontier.”
“That’s a great start,” Jade told him. “I’ll bet you’ll find something that suits you once you’re in school.”
“That’s what Dad always said,” Tally laughed. “He said they would be the best years of my life. Where did you go to school?”
“I didn’t,” she told him, fighting against the feeling of insecurity the whole question raised.
University had been out of the question with her family’s money situation. But even if it had been an option, a portion of the years she would have spent there were spent on the pleasure ships instead. And that was time she could never get back.
“So, you went right to work?” Tally asked.
“I applied for work off-world as a housekeeper as soon as I was of age,” she said carefully. “I haven’t been home since.”
“Wow,” Tally said, sounding impressed.
“When I heard about the opportunity to adopt a child and run my own farm, I couldn’t resist,” Jade went on, eager to move past the part of her life she was trying to forget. “And here I am. If I can figure out the secret to happy lichen-deer and a happy baby, I’ll be on top of the world.”
She laughed, and Tally did, too.
On the bench beside her, Rafe only scowled.
Don’t think about it, she advised herself sternly. Don’t drive yourself out of your mind about him when you’ve already said no.
The trouble was, it had been almost impossible to refuse him.
And the more time passed, the more she longed to tell him it had been a big mistake, and to just let him claim her after all.
Images of the pleasure ships flashed in her mind, hazy faces of strangers, the smell of sweat and sex, and the throbbing agony of her own desperate body.
No.
Last night had been a mistake. If only she hadn’t let him touch her at all, then she wouldn’t feel so tempted, and he wouldn’t have said anything.
Maybe it was inevitable that he had to tell her, but she wished they could have extended that time when they were friends. It would have been nice to have more time with him before this whole mate bond thing had risen up and crushed out forever what was becoming one of the closest and most interesting friendships she had ever had.
Tally opened the basket and began smearing fresh butter on steaming hunks of bread.
