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Despite everything, I smile. It’s like I can’t not smile in his presence. He’s so annoyingly lovable. Infuriating and lovable. “Something like that.”
He rakes his gaze over my body, unashamedly drinking in every inch. I’m wearing his favorite yellow dress. Was that a conscious decision? Because no matter what went wrong between us, I still feel more alive when I’m near him than I ever have in my life. And I hate it. “What happened, Lorenzo?” The words tumble from my mouth before I can think about the can of worms I’m opening.
His eyes drift upward, locking on mine. “What do you mean?”
I swallow hard. I shouldn’t ask this of him. Not now. But I need answers. Maybe then I’ll be able to truly let him go. “That night after the ball? It felt like everything was perfect, and then…”
“Mia.” His chest strains against the buttons of his shirt with the force of his sigh. He walks toward me and places the envelope on the table next to my book.
“Tell me the truth,” I plead with him.
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and I press my cheek into his palm, subconsciously seeking the comfort of his touch. “It was a perfect night, Mia. So perfect. You were fucking perfect.”
I frown. “So?”
“I saw it.” The tears swimming in his eyes render me mute for several seconds.
“Saw what?” I ask, finding my voice.
“Our future.”
“And was it that bad?”
He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.
My head swims with confusion. “No?”
His eyes blaze, fiery and dark. Goosebumps break out all over my body. “It was fucking glorious. I saw you standing at an altar with my ring on your finger. I saw us on our honeymoon on some tropical beach. You were wearing the tiniest fucking bikini imaginable.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I saw us old and gray with our kids and our grandkids.”
Winded by his revelation, I suck in a harsh breath. “And you don’t want any of that?” I ask, my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.
“I want every single fucking second of it.”
I blink, my eyes blurry with tears. “But?”
He palms the back of my neck and presses his forehead against mine. “I couldn’t give it to her, and she deserved it. So fucking much. All of it.”
“W-why are you doing this to me?”
“I’m not…” He shakes his head and drops to his knees, staring up at me, his own tears staining his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said. You were right, it was all guilt and self-loathing. I was hating myself for finding happiness without her, and I took it out on you. And even though what I said and the way I acted was unforgivable, I’m selfish enough to ask you to forgive me anyway.”
“So why couldn’t you just admit that when I asked you? Instead of tearing out my heart?”
His eyes fill with immeasurable pain. I want to drop to my knees and wrap him in my arms, but I can’t give in that easily. I deserve so much more. And he’s the one who taught me that.
“Because I was truly happy the other night, Mia. You make me so fucking happy. I made love to you like you were the only woman in the entire world. And then I saw our future together so clearly, it was all mapped out for us, as though it was exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. I was consumed with guilt for wanting that life—for wanting to giveyouthat life when I couldn’t give it to her.”
“Y-you really want all of that? What you saw? With me?”
“Fuck yes. I want all that and more.”
I rub my throbbing temples. This is all too much. He’s scrambling my brain with his smooth words and sex appeal. “But why didn’t you just tell me that?” I repeat, still unable to comprehend why he couldn’t be honest with me. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I needed you to let me in and you shut me out.”
“Kat was right, I’m an asshole. It was only when I knew I’d lost you that I realized I can’t live without you. I’m far from fucking perfect, and I know I’ll make mistakes. I’ll still feel guilty sometimes, but I promise to never shut you out again. I’ll always be honest with you from now on, even if it hurts. I swear. You’ll never be second best, sunshine. I’ll remind you every single fucking day how much I love you.”
Heart pounding, I blink at him. “Y-you…you love me?”
He stands and wipes the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “So fucking much. With everything I am. I am yours, Mia. Every part of me, even the broken ones. You’re way too fucking good for me, but if you’ll have me, I will never let you spend another second of your life doubting how much I love you.”
