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“What?”
“You were a Dom, right?Area Dom?”
“I was. Not anymore.”
She lifts her head, the spot between her eyes pinched in a frown. “How does that work?”
“How does what work?” I snap unintentionally, but I have no clue where this conversation came from and I don’t particularly want to have it.
“You were a Dom but now you’re not? I just assumed if you were into that, it would always be your thing,” she says with a shrug.
“I was Anya’s Dom. I won’t ever be anyone else’s.” Hopefully that’s enough to shut down the conversation.
“So, you never had other submissives before her?” she presses.
I close my eyes and lick my lips, trying to stem the annoyance bubbling inside me. “Yes, I had other submissives.”
Her frown deepens. “So, you’re a Dom, not just Anya’s Dom.”
“I will never be anyone else’s Dom, Mia,” I bark at her. “That part of me died with her.”
She blanches at my tone, but she’s relentless. Propping her chin on her hand, she tilts her head. “But why?”
I swallow a thick knot made of guilt, sadness, and regret. “Because I swore I’d never be that for anyone again. Not after her. That part of my life is over.”
She opens her mouth as though to reply but quickly closes it. “What?” I demand, against my better judgment.
“I just… I guess that’s all good if it’s something you have no interest in anymore, but if you’re only closing that part of yourself off because you think it’s the right thing to do…” She looks at me with eyes full of pity and I can’t fucking stand it. “Well, that makes me sad for you.”
Tension hardens my muscles. “I don’t need your fucking pity.”
“I never said I pitied you, Lorenzo. I don’t.”
I glare at her. I’ve never known anyone to be so infuriatingly difficult to argue with. She never takes the bait. Like she’s programmed to defuse situations. Fuck, I guess she is.
“Why are we even talking about this?” I ask with a sigh.
“Because I was interested. The BDSM lifestyle fascinates me.”
It does?She lays her head back down on my chest, snuggling close to me again like I didn’t just berate her. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. I understand.” She yawns loudly, and her breaths even out as she falls asleep.
Instead of leaving immediately, I hold onto her and think about her fascination with the lifestyle and what a good submissive she would make. I had half a dozen subs before Anya, each different from the other. They all required a different kind of Dom, but no matter what the nature of our relationship, they all fulfilled the same need in me—the need for complete control.
Gazing down at Mia’s sleeping form, I wish that I could give her more. I push the envelope every damn day with her as it is. Every day I let her in just a little further, let her see more of my shattered soul. Someday soon that’s going to have to stop.
Or her heart will end up looking like mine.
ChapterTwenty-Six
MIA
Iclose the laptop Kat loaned me with a snap, not wanting Lorenzo to see what I’ve been looking at. Not that I have anything to be embarrassed about—I’m entitled to my curiosity—but after the way he reacted last night, I figure he might be pissed to learn that I’ve spent the entire day researching the Dom/sub lifestyle. I just find it all so intriguing. And a little thrilling. If only I could get him to unlock that part of himself again.
Lorenzo walks straight to the piano and takes a seat. It’s getting dark out and I haven’t switched the lights on, but surely he saw me sitting in here. He lifts the lid and his fingers brush reverently over the keys, but he doesn’t play.
Setting the laptop aside, I approach him. He remains still, staring at keys as though they might start playing of their own accord. I run a hand over his powerful back muscles that flex beneath his white cotton shirt. His sleeves are rolled up and thick veins wind down his forearms as he clenches his fists.
I lean down and press my lips against his ear. “Would you please play for me?” I whisper.
