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Despite everything I’d done and the insanity going on around us, he loved me.
And I wouldn’t even try to pretend I didn’t love him.
“I don’t care who knows we’re together,” he whispered. “We’ll take control of the narrative about you getting into the band, our relationship, your past, and even this new abortion bullshit. Let me fix it, Devyn. Let me take care of you.”
“Can we fix it?” I whispered, fighting back tears. “Together?”
“Yes.” He wrapped his arms around me and we just stood there, bodies close as I soaked in his warmth. His heartbeat. His love.
He loved me.
And I was going to show him a version of trust that I hope spoke more clearly than much of my behavior the last month or so.
“I need to be alone with you,” I said softly. “How much time do we have before the show?”
“It’s six-thirty. We’re supposed to go on at nine. Usually, we wind up anywhere from fifteen to twenty minutes late. Why?”
“Do we have time to go back to the hotel?”
“We’ll make the time.” He grabbed my hand and we ran, blowing past startled roadies and members of the crew. I thought Ross was calling to us, but we didn’t stop until we were outside the venue, hailing a taxi.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you run before,” I teased, sitting next to him in the taxi.
“Well, seeing you naked is one of my favorite things, so I was in a hurry.”
“I think you missed me.”
“More than you know.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was scared.”
He laced his fingers with mine, holding our linked hands in his lap. “And I’m sorry for expecting you to give me all of you without me doing the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted complete honesty from you while I was still holding back. I hadn’t told you how I felt about you or that I wanted us to look to a future together, even though you’d made it clear from the beginning you wanted a commitment if we were going to go public.”
I’d practically forgotten about that conversation, but it moved me that he remembered. I still had to explain my hesitation, though. He deserved to know everything. Especially now that he’d told me how he felt about me. “I appreciate that, but I still owed you honesty. Especially in anything that could involve Onyx Knight. In the beginning, I wanted to solidify my place within the band, and there was no way of knowing how you guys would react to my past. Once we got involved and I began to see the man you are beneath your rock god persona, I was scared I’d lose both you and the band.”
“You know how much porn I’ve watched in my life?” he murmured against my ear. “As far as I’m concerned, it was just another job.”
“The things is, I’ve always loved sex,” I admitted. “But somehow, Larry took that to mean I wanted to fuck anyone and everyone. Like the fact that I enjoyed it somehow made me a slut. So, he got the brilliant idea to make money doing porn. I guess he thought by doing it with me, it would be okay. We used the money to pay to play since the clubs charged such high fees, and to buy new equipment, or book studio time—whatever the band needed. It all fell to me because I was the one the producers wanted.”
“Now I understand why it’s been so important to you that people not think you slept with someone to get the gig.” He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it.
“Well, in a way I did,” I murmured sadly. “So maybe I was proving something to myself too.”
“What, because you had a threesome with Carter?” He shook his head. “Didn’t you tell me he approached you after the gig because he was so impressed with your playing?”
“Yes, but—”
“Babe. Carter didn’t sleep with you as some kind of warped audition. He didn’t know he was going to kill himself back then. Or at least, he wasn’t conscious of that plan. The only reason he slept with you was because he liked you. Because you’re beautiful, talented, and sexy. Essentially all the same reasons I wanted to sleep with you the minute I laid eyes on you. That has nothing to do with your position in the band. Or what an amazing musician you are. Frankly, the combination of the two is what made me fall in love with you.”
“It is?”
“It is.” He kissed me on the lips, though he kept it chaste.
“I might need you to tell me a few hundred thousand times before I believe it.”
