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Grr. I was starting to hate this bitch.
“It’s not a tryout,” Z answered with more patience than I had. “We’re all still struggling with losing Carter. He was part of us, you know? The band will go on, but it’s not like we can snap our fingers and get over his death. We’re also easing Devyn into things, trying out a new show and set list, and keeping ourselves ready for whatever is next because we haven’t decided what that is yet.”
“And maybe she won’t have the stamina for touring,” Lara said.
“Are you intentionally being a bitch?” Kellan asked dryly, leaning back in his chair and quirking one eyebrow. “Because you were hand-picked for this interview, but I can make sure you never get anywhere near us again.”
Lara’s cheeks turned pink but she wasn’t backing down. “So, this isn’t a real interview then? You don’t want to answer the hard questions? This is just a fluff piece? Because that’s not the impression I was given.”
“They’re not hard,” I said, trying not to grit my teeth. “They’re mean-spirited. It’s not the same thing. Your tone is more indicative of your intentions than anything else.”
“My tone?” She lifted her chin. “Why does the line of questioning bother you if you have nothing to hide?”
“Ask me something related to music!” I snapped, finally losing my patience. “Anything you want. Go ahead.”
“Why haven’t you played in a band since college?” she shot back.
“Because getting a regular paycheck from a studio means I have health insurance and can pay my bills like a grown-up. Not everyone believes there’s value in starving to death and couch surfing while you try to hit the big-time.”
Lara smiled. “That might be the first honest thing you’ve said today.”
I really wanted to punch her in the face.
* * *
The interview was better after that, talking about the music and the upcoming tour. Personally, I was annoyed because while they’d wanted to talk to me initially, once we got past all the so-called hard questions, they basically ignored me. As if I didn’t have anything to include since I hadn’t worked on previous albums and we hadn’t yet played live together.
I excused myself to the ladies room once the journalists had left and leaned against the door. I was going to have to find my footing as a member of Onyx Knight because at the moment I felt like I was floundering. It still felt like a dream to me, and in a way, I walked on eggshells every day wondering if I was going to blink and discover the whole thing had been a dream.
A light knock on the door got my attention and I moved so I could pull it open.
“You okay?” Z looked concerned.
“Yeah.”
“Liar.” He leaned against the door frame. “You can talk to us, you know.”
I shook my head. “But I can’t. Not really.”
“How come?”
“Because I have to figure it out myself.”
“Figure what out?”
“How to be the bass player for Onyx Knight. I have huge shoes to fill, and I don’t think the fans or the press are going to give me a break. No matter how much you might want to, you can’t fix that for me. If I want your general fan base to like me, I’m going to have to earn it.”
“That’s true, but it doesn’t mean we can’t help you muddle through.”
“My gut tells me you guys are waiting for me to prove myself too. Not in a malicious way, but it’s only fair, right? You’re offering me the opportunity of a lifetime, so I have to woman-up, so to speak.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think it’s black and white like that. Do you have something to prove? Sure. Touring is going to be grueling, which is why we’ve set it up the way we have. And we can’t deny that we miss Carter. We’re adjusting too. So it’s better to be in a situation where we need to add dates than to have six months planned and we all decide this isn’t what any of us thought it was.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“Then, when we get serious about writing new stuff and go into the studio, there’s going to be a whole new learning curve for you because we’re kind of set in our ways and you don’t know what they are yet. So, are you going to have to prove that you’re versatile and flexible and willing to work hard? Absolutely. But this isn’t some kind of extended audition or any bullshit like that. We chose you, Devyn. You’re not here by accident or because Carter mentioned you in one of his suicide notes.”
I frowned. “He mentioned me in his suicide note?”
