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“I apologize in advance for any bumps, Lennox,” Thompson tells me by bending to peek through the window to my left.
“I’ll be alright. Just please stop for coffee?”
He chuckles, his deep voice rumbling. “Will do.”
A few daysin the hospital on pain killers drove me nuts. I hated it. But now that I’m out and moving about, trying to get myself back to normal life, I’m wishing I was back in that space of bright lights and a sterile smell with people poking and prodding at me what seemed like every five minutes.
This is torture. Not only the pain, but the pity, the fear, and the bruises that remind me I’m currently broken. Like really, truly broken. Thankfully, it’s just my ribs. My skull didn’t actually crack like I’d thought, but the pain in my torso is enough to let me know that I never want to breathe too hard ever again. I’ve broken bones before, however nothing compares to broken ribs.
I’ve got my outfit for the day picked out. Normally I’m not so formal with my days, but it’s easier to get everything laid out in one trip than to make multiple trips back and forth because I forgot something or don’t like it and want to change.
The shake in my limbs is new. I’m not sure if it’s from the fatigue of healing, the pain, or the fear that has burrowed its way into the core of my bones. Probably a mixture of all of it. When I drop my bra and growl in frustration, or cry, I’m not sure which, a gentle knock sounds.
“Baby, I’m here,” Benny calls before he opens the door. My sweet Benny. For the first time in days, he left my side to go to his place and get himself cleaned up and a proper change of clothes. Other than that, Ma has been giving him my dad’s clothes. He had some schoolwork he needed to catch up on as well.
My boyfriend means well, but it’s been suffocating having someone around twenty-four-seven. Even though this is how I’ve wanted our relationship all along, I’ve been cranky and not the best company.
He doesn’t deserve it, and still he’s the one who insists on being here.
I’m trying to be thankful, but it’s difficult at the moment.
Pain or no, I snatch my t-shirt from the bed and throw it over my head, shoving my arms through the sleeves, sans my bra. I hate looking at myself, and I sure as hell don’t want him seeing my battered body. I don’t know if he sees anything or not. When I turn, he has a smile on his face as if he didn’t just hear me cursing in pain because I tried to get the shirt on so fast. I wrap my arms around my torso, squeezing my eyes shut.
Benny’s touch is gentle as he circles my body with his arms, pressing his front to my back. He nuzzles my hair and presents me with a lotus flower, something he’s always done.
“You don’t have to hide your body from me,” he whispers, which prompts an exhale to calm my attitude.He’s just trying to help because he loves me,I try to tell myself, but his touch is grating on my nerves. I’ve been feeling this way since the attack, touch setting me off. The only person I can allow to get this close to me is Benny. Even with him, it’s too much sometimes. “Can I help you with anything?”
I remove myself from his hold and take a few urgent steps away to place the flower on my dresser as I snap, “No, Benny. I don’t need your help!”
Calm as ever, Benny makes his way across the room and sits on the edge of my bed. “Nox.”
“I’m fine!” I turn on him, no doubt with wild eyes.
“I know you are, but you don’t have to be. It’s okay to go through what you’re going through, to lean on others for a little while.” I grab the bottom hem of my shirt to stop my trembling hands.
“I don’t want to not be okay. I want to be fine. I want to let go of the fear I have. For the damn bruises and pain to go away.”
He grimaces, a flash of fury and hatred unlike anything I’ve ever seen out of him lights his slate-gray eyes. He’s fresh faced, looking awake for the first time in days. His white t-shirt and blue jeans are a little different from the business casual he’s usually sporting. The short sleeves hug his biceps in a way I haven’t seen from him before either. The tattoos swarming his arms are more prominent today.
“It’s probably going to take a little time, but you’ll get there. However, you can’t just suppress what you’re feeling and think it will go away.” He pats the bed beside him, not even right next to him, but a couple feet away. I can do that. It’s just Benny. He’s not going to do anything to hurt me. Judging from the look in his eye and the way his body goes rigid when I limp to the bed, he’s going to hurt the ones who did this to me.
“They weren’t some hecklers, Benny. I don’t think the police understood that. These guys meant to kill me. They didn’t toy with me, talk to me about my family, or try to rape me. They were there to kill me. Why?” Benny stiffens, his hands turning to fists on his thighs. I reach over and place my hand over his. He interlaces our fingers.
“They’re being questioned,” he says, but I don’t think he’s so sure of that.
“Are they? Properly?” This makes him sigh.
“I wish I could say yes, but we both know that isn’t the truth.” Melancholic gray eyes find mine and his lips bunch. He squeezes my fingers, and I tug him toward me, needing him close. This conversation, the thought of what we are dealing with, what I’ve dealt with, scares the shit out of me.
“We’re on our own on this one.” We both know it’s the disturbing truth. I have no idea what it is we are even dealing with. I never thought I’d be the one who would deal with something like this. Why on earth would anyone want me killed? It makes little sense. I don’t have enemies… At least I don’t think I do. Have I done something in my life to warrant my death? Surely it isn’t because I’m a good rider. No championship is worth killing someone for, right?
“No, we have your dad and we have an amazing team of lawyers. I’m going to take it to the sheriff. He and his department are going to do something about it.”
“This is in their jurisdiction?”
“No, not really, but Donahue understands the Northgate Police Department is as corrupt as they come. Don’t worry, baby girl. We are going to figure this out. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe. I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you.” He turns to me, his free hand finding my cheek and running his thumb over the bruise there. His touch is featherlight and I turn into it to kiss his palm. He flattens it against my cheek to hold it there. My eyes fall shut, consuming the comfort he’s offering.
“This isn’t your fault,” I whisper, the cage I’ve put in place to keep my tears at bay weakening. One slips down my cheek and he kisses it away.
