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“I just needed a moment.”
“A moment,” I repeat dully as I glare at the back of his stupid head.
“Yes.”
“A moment you could’ve takenat Benny’s place.” I step around him and swing open the door to my Audi TT.
“Yes, at Benny’s place. Perfect Benny, who always makes all the right decisions and does nothing wrong—always there for everyone and always with his shit together.” His deep voice is calm and even despite the urgency behind his words, behind the pain building once again.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Trace snorts a self-deprecating laugh.
“Not at all a bad thing, just sometimes I don’t want to be reminded of how much of a fuck up I am.” This softens me. He’s hurting right now. Something happened, something big. Then it clicks, and I feel like the world’s worst person.
“Your dad cut you from the team.” His silence tells me everything I need to know, but his expression, his body language, gives me nothing. “I’m sorry, Benny hadn’t told me he actually went through with it, just that you were wanting to move out.”
“Thank you for bailing me out. Let’s go. I need to get my car.”Well shit.
“First off, I’m pissed at both of you that neither of you called me. Trace, you know I’m here for you always and baby, you don’t need to leave the house by yourself right now.” I feel like Benny is leaving something out by the way he looks at Trace that I’m not aware of, but I say nothing. It isn’t a good look, almost jealous?
Trace hasn’t dared place his gaze on me since we got to Benny’s apartment. I’m going to guess it has something to do with the fact that Trace called me and not him.Don’t worry, babe, I want to tell him. There is nothing there.
Whatever the case, Benny is furious with both of us. However, he doesn’t stay mad for long, never has.
“I know, but Benny, I’m suffocating a bit. I needed a break. It was early morning, and I was going to the jail. Nothing was going to happen. You do so much for everyone that I didn’t want to put this on you.” He frowns and drops his shoulders, arms to his sides, head falling to one shoulder. There is an apology in his eyes because he knows he is the one responsible for everyone staying glued to my side.
“The very jail where the assholes who attacked you are being held.”
“Shit…” Trace’s deep rumbling groan bleeds into the conversation, full of regret, mirroring my sentiment. I hadn’t even thought ofthat.
“Not like they could’ve done anything to you, but they could have friends or family, COs…anyone on their side, lurking. That place is so corrupt.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Trace grimace as he stares at the floor. Benny is laying it on thick to keep us both in line, but he’s hurting his friend, who already feels bad for putting me in such compromising positions.
“Okay, I got it,” I snap, not able to hear anymore of my poor decisions… Not wanting to subject Trace to anymore of his either. He deserves the punishment, but something in me just doesn’t have the energy to make him suffer today. The guy is wrecked.
“Right, I’m sorry. It just drives me crazy to think of what could happen. The thought of either of you in that place.” Trace slowly lifts his head, appreciation glinting in his blue eyes. “They could’ve done anything to you too for retaliating and putting an end to the job they were hired to do.” Trace nods his understanding, but he can’t look at his best friend. “Now, do you want to tell me why you were there in the first place?”
Trace explains everything that happened with his dad and the more he speaks, the further my heart plummets to my stomach. He’s been cut off because he was there to save me and look after me instead of racing. A race he could have easily won because I wasn’t there to give him a run for his money. He’d still have his team. Guilt floods me, and I have to look away from the tears building in his eyes.
I’ve never seen Trace come close to crying, ever, but when he explains that his dad drained all of his accounts, leaving him with nothing… He can’t stop the way his throat bobs as he swallows harshly and blinks away the moisture.
“So you got drunk in a public park.”
“I’m a fuckup, I know,” he barks at his best friend, forearms tensing. He’s had enough of us talking about this. Benny screws his lips up in remorse and tilts his head.
“That’s not what I meant.”
Trace’s head bobs absentmindedly. “But that’s what you said.” Benny’s inhale is deep, hinting at his frustration. “Look,” Trace starts, apology swirling in his tone. “I’m going to get a job, but even then, I won’t make a paycheck for at least a week, maybe two. I have some cash from the shit me and Hazel took from them and I’ll pay you rent with it. But can I stay? I know this is a lot to put on your shoulders. I’ll get my shit together, Benny. Please—”
I work to stifle my gasp, but it doesn’t work like it should. Trace grits his jaw, ignoring me. Never in a million years would I have thought he’d ask Benny like this, let alone in front of me. He’s always been too prideful. It’s obvious he’s scared.
“T. Johnson, that’s not even a question and you know it. Of course you can stay. Do you really think I would put you out on the street?” Trace shrugs, but Benny doesn’t let it get to him. He knows Trace doesn’t really think that. “We need to pursue this, though. You said Hazel has dirt on him? She’s gotten herself out. She’s safe?”
Sore subject, apparently, because Trace looks down at his hands and rings his fingers together. I do know that sign. He’s wishing there was a bottle in them. “She’s safe,” he confirms.
“Would she come forward?”
“I won’t put her through that. She did enough for me. I’m not goi—”
“Trace, you have to.”
