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I’m not sure when I started letting myself think of her that way. When I let my hatred of her turn into something different. Who cares anyway? She’ll never be mine because she’ll always belong to my best friend and neither of them would approve of where I’m at right now. Or would she? She loves Benny regardless of his past.
Push those thoughts aside.
“So, if you went to bat for her so hard against those guys, why are you no longer riding? Did Daddy kick you out for being a disappointment and handling things the way a man would? The way he has no clue how to?” No truer words have been spoken. I’ve never been able to pin anything on my father, but I’ve always had a feeling he isn’t a good person. Hazel has solidified that lately, making me glad we’ve both gotten away from him. My silence prompts him to continue. “What’s Daddy gonna think about you chilling with thugs?”
Staring straight forward, annoyance picking at the hole in my chest, I mumble, “Not his rider anymore. Not his problem.”
“You’re never going back.”
“Even if I had a choice, I wouldn’t.”
“Word.” We settle into silence and a few races take place. A surge of anticipation rushes through me. I want to do this. Spencer catches the way I fidget and a knowing grin peels his lips to the side. “You want in, don’t you?”
“To talk about drifting. I need to learn more about how it works.”
“To drift,” he reiterates. I have to make sure he knows that I’m not joining the Hellions. I’m not exactly sure how that will work, but they’ll have to figure it out. Not my problem. Don’t they have like associates or something?
“Drive over to the pits. Let me introduce you to the guards.” I don’t turn my car on.
“I’m not a Hellion,” I tell him again. He chuckles, but I have to make sure he knows I mean it.
“Look, kid, I heard you. I got it, but you’re one of Ilya’s drivers. He protects what’s his.” A flicker of belonging ticks in my chest, urging me to say yes to everything. I suppress it because we are not there yet and I can’t let my urges to fit in somewhere fuel my decisions.
“I haven’t fully agreed with that either.” Spencer pulls out his phone and sends a message to someone.
“But you haven’t disagreed, which means you’re thinking about it. The longer you take to actually turn down the offer, the harder it will be to do so. You want it.” He’s got me on that one. Each day I spend mulling over everything that has happened recently, the harder it is to work up a no. “You know I’m right. Turn this fucking car on and drive your ass over to that building.”
Without doing as he’s told me twice now, I watch him. He rolls his fingers, brows hiked up to his forehead as if I’m an idiot. “C’mon, let’s get this show on the road.”
With an exhale, I turn the key and pull out. The track is empty at the moment, so he directs me across it. Spotters wave us through when he opens the window and holds out his hand. They must know him well because they don’t even question the fact that we are on the track.
“So, why did your dad cut you from the team?” Jesus Christ, he’s like a dog with a bone with this shit. I guess I need to trust them with the truth, like I did the last time I was here. As he said, people don’t fuck the Hellions over and I’m not trying to die. It’s not like giving him this info will hurt anything other than my pride.
“He cut me because I missed the last race.” Spencer grunts. Not sure what that means, but it doesn’t sound happy. “He’s been a prick my entire life. It was just a matter of time. Nothing I ever did was good enough.”
What a fucking pity party for this guy that doesn’t give a shit. But I don’t get that vibe from him when he turns to me, meeting my eyes. I see sympathy that makes me want to know what he’s been through before he quickly masks it.
“I’m guessing you missed the race because you were saving the girl.”
“Lennox.” Calling her the girl makes it feel wrong. Saying her name makes saving her more real, makes not riding anymore worth it. I park and tug up the e-brake. We open our doors and I take the reprieve to gather a fortifying breath. I’m once again about to enter a building full of Hellions. Funny how I keep finding myself in this situation, yet I’m not a Hellion. An honorary Hellion at this point?
“That why you showed up last weekend with that look in your eye? Trying to get away from him?”
I grunt, not interested in getting into it with this guy any further. My entire life has been about my father. I don’t want him to take up any more of my time.
“You could always kill him.”
I hear the words.
They register as he walks away, but I don’t think I fully comprehend them.
Kill my dad? Just like that. End a life.Hislife. Could I make that call? I’m sure he’d have no qualms about doing it should the situation ever be reversed. Especially now that I know he gets off on making people’s lives a living hell, mainly mine. But who knows what else he’s done to get where he is? “You heard me right.”
I grumble something unintelligible, lost in thought. I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about this. That’s murder. Of a man who probably deserves it. “Yeah, I believe I did.”
It’s a powerful feeling, and Spencer’s nonchalance only adds to its appeal.
Is this how Benny felt back in the day when he did what he had to do to survive his circumstances? Did he get amped up? Did adrenaline pump through his veins at the thought of a kill? No, probably not.
