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Damn this woman. She’s turned everything I’ve ever known, the entire world I built for myself to survive and prevent heartache, upside down. Molly cares about me.Me.She’s never once asked me to be something I’m not. And she’s never even slapped on rose-tinted specs to like me more or pretend I’m some prince charming. She knows I’m flawed. I said I was broken. But even in this message where she acknowledges it, her liking every piece of me somehow makes me whole again. It means those pieces belong together. And they belong with Molly.
I choke on the lump and have to press my fingers into my eye sockets to stop it all from trickling out. But just as quickly as I realize I need to chase her down, a new alarm bell rings.
The way I acted? Why should she give me a chance? I only went and proved to her that I wasn’t worth her effort. I only showed her hope was fruitless and I’m a fucking Neanderthal with a one-word vocabulary and survival on the brain. Frustration burns hot in my gut and forges into a steel boulder. I’m sick. Nauseated, and the room is practically spinning with dread that I ruined things between us.
But I can’t let Molly go. Maybe I’m not good enough for her, but there’s nothing more worth my energy than trying. Mateo is right. My dad wouldn’t want me avoiding love all my life. And he especially wouldn’t have wanted me avoiding Molly—a good-hearted woman with unending compassion and a soul that promises me the sunrise.
I text Colt.
Me
I’LL TAKE OVER MANAGING THE BUILDERS NOW. I HAVE MORE TIME ON MY HANDS WITH MOLLY DOING MY JOB. JUST WANT TO GET THAT APARTMENT DONE ASAP.
Big Cheese
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. WELCOME TO THE DESK LIFE.
The next text he sends is the details for the builders, and I give them a call, offering overtime to finish the kitchen and bathroom off in the next day or two. In the meantime, I order a bed and mattress, but when I start calling to arrange other furniture and the rest, I decide to save it for Molly.
If she says yes, I want to let her make it a home. She deserves one.
And maybe I do, too.
ChapterThirty
MOLLY
Several days have gone by,but I don’t feel any better about telling Dash I need space. His presence evaporating from my life has left me feeling all dry and crackly. I miss him. I do. But I also know I need to stick to my resolve.
I’m sure soon enough, I’ll get over him. No. I’m not sure of that at all.
At least my sister will be here in Starlight Canyon, and her effervescence will fill my time with a hectic business that will help me through what feels like the grief process. I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe we couldn’t end up together. When it all became clear, my bottled-up emotions bubbled out as anger, and now I’m oscillating between bargaining with myself and accepting the inevitable.
How can a man make me feel so secure even though I’m absolutely not?
How could I have been so wrong?
How could we have shared intimacy like that if there weren’t feelings there?
The first two nights without Dash, I wanted to text him that I didn’t need space and tell him I was totally fine. I wanted to squash down one feeling just to let another one run free. But one day, I’ll be proud of myself for this growth. I’ll be proud of myself for being honest with him about my feelings, even though I sacrificed his friendship and everything else for it. We said we’d be friends, but I’ll never feel just friendship for him. This much I know.
But today is not the day. Today, I just want him back. So fucking badly.
Worse yet, I’ve noticed twice as many builders in and out above the newly built stables the past couple of days, so I suspect he’ll be back, living on-site very, very soon. And that will make it even harder to stop thinking about him, knowing how close he is and yet just how far away that dream ofusis.
I called a meeting with all regular staff, our new sled driver, Jolie, and even Colt turned up—I suspect just because he’s that kind of guy who wants to make a person feel supported, not because he normally concerns himself with trivial things like the goings-on at the stables. I don’t have to even glance around to know Dash isn’t here. I feel his absence as strongly as his presence.
But I suppose he doesn’t really need to be here for this either. He can read about it in the overview email I’ll send and write back to me if something is wrong. I’m not sure if I’m happy or not that he’s skipped the meeting. Maybe it’s better this way. Every time that man is around me, I lose my head.
It’s time to talk with the staff about the process of having sleigh rides and the hospitality that goes along with having guests in the winter.
“So for now,” I try to muster up excitement, to not sound as flat as the beat of my heart, “the hotel doesn’t have dedicated staff to welcome guests for the sleigh rides. We’re working on that. But, Georgie? You’ve said you’re happy to do hours as and when this winter? To serve the hot drinks, ensure blankets and hand warmers are ready?”
“Yeah.” She lifts a finger. “Maybe we should get extra hats and scarves, too? Can we get ones with the Starlight Ranch logo on them? And get housekeeping involved in washing them daily? Because I’m all about the meet and greet but I’m not interested in laundry. As a polite request, of course.”
I write down her suggestion. “You’re right. We need more than blankets…”
She adds, “It does get really freezing in some parts of the Canyon. And if the guests are too cold they won’t have fun.”
