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“Riley, I was young and stupid and fucked everything up and then I couldn’t fix it. I had to wait. They said I had to wait until I was instructed to go to you and admit everything. Until then, I had to hide my existence from you at all costs. I had to live my life knowing you were hurting, thinking you’d never find love, thinking I drowned. I was forbidden to contact you, told that if I broke more rules I’d feel the consequences, that my whole coven would be stripped of our magic. And while I’d give up magic for you, I swear I would’ve to spare you this, there would be fall-out. More than a ripple effect, because our coven manages a lot of things for a lot of supernaturals and it would fall apart like a house of cards and then blow up like a mushroom cloud. Many lives would be affected, not just ours. So, my hands were tied.”
She shifts uncomfortably on my lap, so I take the hint and move us so that I’m on my back, her on top of me, able to stretch her legs. She props herself up on my chest to keep looking at me while she resumes talking, lips trembling, face soaking wet with her tears, eyes bloodshot.
She pulls a quilt off the back of the couch and fingers it.
“I’m so sorry, Riley. I would’ve fallen on my sword to save you from this, but I wasn’t allowed. The wrath that’d rain down if I didn’t abide would be disastrous. For so many people. So many supernaturals. I take full responsibility for my actions. I hoped you’d move on. That you’d forget about me. That time would dull things until it was time for me to face you and apologize to you.”
I scoff.
She sniffles. “They had my bus towed so you couldn’t figure out who I was. My aunt and my sister went back to find my wand and my other implements, and they brought me your shirt. I put it here.”
She shows me the patch of flannel on the quilt she’s holding.
“This quilt has things that are important to me. Some baby clothes. Things I wore on momentous occasions. One of Dad’s shirts. A piece of Mom’s Christmas tree skirt. Your shirt.” She fingers the flannel and her chin wobbles. “I tried my best to do the best I could to help people who needed my coven. I kept… I kept track so that I could show you how hard I tried. I wrote a bit down, what I could because I have to keep some things secret, but I wrote down hints and saved them all in a jar. I brought the jar. It’s in my bag. And I know it probably won’t matter now, so I feel stupid even telling you, even thinking that keeping track of my deeds would mean anything to you.”
She waits for a second and when I don’t speak because I really fuckin’ can’t, she continues.
“So… when your knot lets go of me you can just… stay in the one room and I’ll stay in the little room until the week is up and I’ll… I’ll get my sisters here and notify the supernatural council you want a severing.”
I don’t say anything, so she rests her cheek on my chest and wipes at her eyes some more. Shuddering from crying so hard.
“Then it’ll be over, Riley. I’m sorry that I have to be so close to you while you process this. I’m sorry about all of it. So sorry I can’t adequately explain…”
My eyes slam shut, and I work down a bitter swallow.
We’re quiet for a long time. There are birds off in the distance making noise, but it’s otherwise eerily quiet.
She nuzzles into my chest; I don’t know if she realizes this. She’s drawing figure-eights on my shoulder with her fingertip for a long time while sensations of love flood me through our connection. I don’t know if she knows I feel it. I only know I’m feeling too much right now. More her than me. And it hurts. She hurts so much that if I were standing, this girl’s sorrow would bring me to my knees.
I listen to her breathing as it slows back to normal. She sniffles occasionally. Wipes her eyes. My chest is damp from her tears. It feels like they’ve seeped straight into me.
I’m grinding my teeth so hard, it’s a wonder they haven’t been reduced to dust.
She’s asleep.
I examine the copper curls fanned out on my chest. How right they feel. How wrong I feel. How fuckin’ angry I am that all this happened.
I need my phone. But it’s in the bedroom, so the calls I need to make will have to wait.
24
Erica
I’m jolted awake by the pulsing inside me. I don’t know how long we’ve slept but I’m certainly awake now, on top of him, that knot making me grind into him like my life depends on it.
