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“It’s okay. I wanted ye ta tell me.”
The thought of Orla bein’ in harm’s way makes me anxious. Even though there’s no longer any feelin’s between us, I’m not a feckin’ arsehole. I want ta try ta save her if I can.
“She’s not goin’ta be alive fer much longer, Ro. I wish I could have told ye somethin’ positive, but that’s the truth.”
He looks at me with sorrow in his gaze, and I want ta pretend it’s not there. I want him ta say he’s lyin’, but I know he’s not. Orla didn’t tell me the truth, and she feckin’ should have. I’m pacin’ the livin’ room as I think about all the shite that could go wrong.
Things were never easy between Orla and me when we were together, livin’ separate lives in two different countries. There were times when I was convinced we weren’t meant ta be. When she broke up with me, the hurt sent me over the edge. I lost control, but this time, it’s different. She’s the mother of my child, I can’t allow myself to leap over the edge, I have a responsibility to Aine, and I have the love of a good woman to keep me on track.
Callia comes into the lounge and stops in front of me, haltin’ me from pacin’.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothin’,” she whispers gently. “I don’t want ye ta feel guilty, or responsible. It’s not on ye. Orla moved on. She was the one who forced ye out of her life, so fer her ta do this to ye right now, it’s selfish.”
Even though I know Callia is right, I can’t stop myself from sayin’, “Can ye just let me handle this?”
Several emotions cross Callia’s expression at that moment—pain, regret, guilt, and heartbreak. I shouldn’t have said that, and I immediately pull her into my arms.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I repeat, chantin’ the words so I can get her ta calm down, but I know it’s not goin’ta be that easy, not by a long, feckin’ shot, because this woman is stronger and more stubborn than I could ever be.
“I don’t need ye ta sugarcoat shite fer me, Rebel,” Callia says as she pushes away from me, and I feel the loss of her softness immediately, which only adds to my anxiety.
I don’t want her ta feel as if she’s in my way, but I also don’t want her ta think I’m a good person. If I were, none of this would be happenin’.
“Da,” a soft, angelic voice comes from the doorway, and I turn to find Aine watchin’ us as we have our stand-off. “Where’s my Mammie?”
My chest tightens so much, I struggle ta breathe fer a long while. The pretty face of my daughter is wet with tears. She must have overheard the fight, and she may have even heard what Monster said about Orla bein’ in danger.
Aine is a smart child, and I have no doubt, she knows somethin’ bad is goin’ on. I’m meant ta protect her from heartbreak, from all the pain and violence that comes with life.
“She’s just with her mates, darlin’,” I tell my daughter, and the guilt sits heavily on my chest from the lie.
But as much as I want ta tell her the truth, I can’t. And if somethin’ does happen to Orla, I’m not sure how I’d even begin ta tell Aine that her ma has died.
“Will she come home soon?” Aine looks up at me, the innocence in her gaze makes me want ta kill those bastards who have her ma.
“I think so,” I tell her. “I won’t say yes, because she has a lot of work ta do.”
I didn’t think I’d ever have ta lie to a child. When I was younger, Da used ta tell me shite ta keep me calm. Over the years, there were so many times I was angry with him because I didn’t know what was goin’ on, and he wouldn’t tell me the truth. It’s only now I understand why he told me those lies.
“Okay,” Aine says then, but I can tell from the tone of her voice, she’s hurt. Her heart must be broken, knowin’ her ma is away and she doesn’t know when she’s comin’ back.
I look up to find Callia and Miren watchin’ me. They both look as sad as I feel, but I don’t show it. Instead, I keep a straight face to stop myself from losin’ my cool. If I allow my emotions ta take hold of me, I couldn’t be as calm as I am right now. Inside, though, there’s a war ragin’.
“Can ye watch her fer me?” I ask the lassies.
“Aye, ye know we can,” Callia, the woman who I’m fallin’ in love with, smiles at me. No, that’s another lie because I’m already in love with her.
