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I know he’s still worried about what happened with Orla, and he’s probably doubtin’ what he has with me, even though I’m not her. But I also know that nothin’ I can say will change the thought process he’s goin’ through right now. All I can do is show him with my words and actions that I’ll always be here.
“Ro,” I whisper his name. “I’m not Orla,” I tell him softly. “And if I were ta be honest with ye right now, I’d tell ye I’m feelin’ a lot of anger that’s slowly boilin’ into rage. I can’t believe a woman could walk out on her child. Sometimes fathers leave, but fer a mother ta carry her youngen fer nine months, raise her fer years, and then decide she’s had enough…” I allow my words ta fade into the silence hangin’ between us. But the more I think about it and talk about it, the angrier I get.
“I know,” he responds, and I wrap my arms around him.
A fierce need ta protect him runs through me. Even though he’s a big, bad biker, I want him ta know I’m also here to keep him safe. I may not be able ta fight, but I can protect his heart…or help ta heal it at least.
“Orla doesn’t deserve anythin’,” I tell him. “Karma is goin’ta get her in ways ye’ll never know about and she’ll never see comin’.”
I want so much ta believe my words. I used to think I was payin’ fer somethin’ bad I’d done but couldn’t recall. Now I know that wasn’t true. But Orla’s made a conscious choice ta hurt others.
“Let’s go back ta Aine, I don’t want her ta be alone,” Rebel tells me as he takes my hand and leads me out of the dinin’ room. Suddenly he pulls me back and says, “I appreciate ye, my shinin’ star.”
I swallow back the lump of emotion chokin’ me and offer him a nod. I’m afraid if I try ta speak, I’ll only burst into tears.
The family I found with the club has been a godsend. I’ve finally discovered myself, the person I wanted ta be. And now I have the man I was made fer.
In the lounge, we find Aine colourin’ a page filled with dolphins. I’ve never seen pink ones before, but she looks happy enough as she hums a tune and fills within the lines.
She looks up when we settle on the sofa. “Can we have ice-cream now?” she asks, giftin’ Rebel the biggest grin.
“Aye,” he tells her. “I think we should go down ta the wee shop and get a cone.”
“Yay!” She leaps up from where she’s been kneelin’ and races fer her da. She wraps her little arms around his neck, and I almost burst into tears.
The forgetful innocence of a child. My heart aches fer her, but I’m also glad she has Rebel. He’s goin’ta be a great father, and I know the moment she’s old enough, he’ll sit her down and tell her everythin’.
“Come on,” she says, lookin’ over at me. “Don’t cry, I think Da will get ye a cone too.”
Her giggle makes me laugh, and I swipe at my face to stop the tears from fallin’. I don’t want her ta see me sad. It’s a new start fer her, and soon enough, we’re goin’ta have ta get her ta school and make sure she’s got the best start after havin’ such a shitty experience.
I push ta my feet, and we head out to one of the cars that sit in the garages, awaitin’ the moment they’re needed. The club own a couple of second-hand vehicles fer when the bikes aren’t suitable.
It’s been a while since I’ve been into the city. I try to steer clear of it in the event I see the woman who fostered me. Since I came back to Belfast, I’ve been lucky enough not ta bump into her or her boyfriend.
We get ta the ice-cream shop and it’s quiet, which is great. There’s an empty booth that we slip into and take a look at the menu. This is the first time, since Rebel and I took the next step, we’ve been out together in public.
“I want chocolate,” Aine announces with a large, happy grin, showin’ off the gap where the one tooth is missin’.
“And ye?” Rebel asks me, as he stands up ta head ta the counter.
“I think chocolate sounds yummy, I’ll have the same.” Once he’s gone, I look at the sweet girl and smile. “Are ye happy ta be with yer da?”
She nods. “He’s nice. But I miss Ma.” Her honesty pulls at my chest, tuggin’ on my heart. “She sings me songs at bedtime.”
“I can sing ye songs too,” I offer, and her eyes widen.
“Would ye?”
Noddin’, I tell her, “Aye. I can do that fer ye. I know I used ta love ta sing songs ta myself when I was little.”
