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“Do ye think ye’ll ask her ta marry ye?”
This is a question that’s been playin’ on my mind fer a wee while. Everythin’ seems ta have been movin’ so fast between us. The moment I allowed myself ta admit how I felt, everythin’ began ta snowball and fall into place. With the new house bein’ transferred soon, it means we’ll be livin’ together in a few weeks. A big move, but one that’s not givin’ me anxiety. I thought it would, but fer some reason, I’m feckin’ calm.
“Aye, I’ve no doubt,” I tell Racer. “She was always meant ta be mine.”
I recall the night we met her. When we saved her from that bastard we’d been tailin’. Tye was the one who found the connection between him and a few traffickin’ rings that were workin’ just outside Dublin. They didn’t use the main port as a way to transport the women so they weren’t in the Garda’s line of sight.
It was up ta us ta sort the shite out, but things escalated when the bastard took Callia as a human shield. I knew I had ta take the shot, and I did. Thankfully, she didn’t move as I pulled the trigger. Even though I’m a clean shot, things can go wrong in a split second.
It was in that moment I realised I wanted ta keep her safe forever. Even Racer didn’t argue with me when I told him she would be ridin’ on my bike. I think he was surprised I wanted someone on the back because I’d never taken anyone on it before.
“I don’t think I’ll find someone like that,” Racer tells me suddenly.
He’s always been what they call a ladies man. The lad is a goodun, but there are times I’ve wondered about his past relationships. He rarely mentions them, but then again, none of us ever sit around the fire talkin’ about shite like that. I suppose in some ways, that’s the problem. I’ll always be there fer him, but I’ve never once said it out loud. I’ve always assumed it was clear ta him. Maybe it’s not.
“Why?” I ask, fascinated by his comment.
I don’t think lads consider marriage or think about it as much as women do. But fer someone ta decide they’ll never get wed has me intrigued.
He shrugs, throwin’ the still lit smoke to the ground and crushin’ it with his boot. “Just don’t see myself with anyone long term. Wakin’ up next to the same face every day, I’m sure it would get borin’.”
He doesn’t look directly at me when he speaks, and now I have more questions.
“I don’t know.” It makes me think about my girl. “I don’t mind wakin’ up ta Callia every day. I mean, besides the perks of havin’ her in my arms, there’s a kind of calmness about it. Like bein’ home.”
Callia’s a beauty, and lookin’ at her is one of my favourite sights. Even before we were together, I was always desperate ta see her pretty face. When I woke in the mornin’, she would be the first person I would think about.
Back then, I was frustrated by it. I didn’t want ta constantly have her in the back of my mind. But I couldn’t fight it. She was etched there, and nothin’ I did could erase her. Even if I was with someone else at the time, a random one night stand, it was Callia’s face that would haunt me.
“Aye, I’m not sayin’ there aren’t perks,” he tells me as he waggles his eyebrows. “But ye can get those perks from anyone. Ye can take home some lass from the club and wake up with her mouth around ye. Why do ye want ta be tied down with one mouth when there are so many out there.”
He’s the definition of a slag.
“Ye might think that now,” I tell Racer as I laugh at his comment. “But once ye find the one woman who makes others pale in comparison, ye’ll think very feckin’ differently.” Shovin’ his shoulder, I grin, lettin’ him know I’m teasin’, but deep down, I’m not.
I’d like him ta be happy. He deserves it. All of us do. We’ve all been through hell, and we should have someone who makes us feel like the heroes from those feckin’ love stories women love so much.
“He’s right ye know,” Monster joins us fer a break. He’s been workin’ on buildin’ a bookshelf fer Miren, and he’s covered with the sawdust from the wood. “We all have our thoughts on how our lives are goin’ta pan out. We may even have rules we’re followin’ ta get where we want ta be, but life still brings us challenges we didn’t know we were ever goin’ ta face.”
“Fer me, love doesn’t even feature in my mind, and I don’t know if that will ever change,” Racer informs us with another shrug of his shoulders. “I can’t think about a forever with someone. Not fer the next five years, not even fer the next ten. I just don’t see the reason behind it. Fer me anyway. But fer ye both, it’s changed ye fer the best.”
