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I open the door as Troy asks, “Do you know him or something?”
He doesn’t have to say his name for me to know exactly whom he is speaking of. I could play dumb, act like nothing happened back there, but what will that do for me? Buy me time? For what? I don’t even know what the hell I am doing right now. What I am feeling. Damn it.
I throw my bag into the back seat and rest my hip on the driver’s seat of my truck. “Yeah, I do.”
He leans on the door of my truck. His eyes are suspicious and full of concern. “Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?”
My stomach clenches. “No, we were never official. It was a one-time thing. I met him when I was out celebrating getting this job three months ago.”
“A one-time thing?”
I swallow. “Yeah. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since I left him that next morning.”
“Oh, so you were intimate?” he asks, a roughness to his voice.
But intimate isn’t the word I’d use for what happened in that hotel room.
Baring of bodies, souls, and hearts.
What am I thinking?
Tears prick my eyes, and I look away from him. My teeth start to chatter, even though I’m not cold as I stand there, unable to answer him.
“What are you not telling me here, Tennessee?”
My heart aches in my chest as I shrug. “A lot, obviously,” I answer, meeting his gaze. “I never expected to see him again, and now things are a little spotty for me.”
His eyes search mine. “Did something happen in there?” he asks, hooking his thumb behind him toward the practice compound.
“Yes,” I admit, unable to lie. I don’t want to. “He kissed me, but I stopped him and told him I was involved with you.”
Troy’s eyes turn to stone, and I don’t know how his look makes me feel. “Did you want him to?”
“Huh?” I ask, caught off guard by his question.
“Did you want him to kiss you?”
My mouth goes dry. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Honestly?”
“I am being honest, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then answer the fucking question, Tennessee,” he demands, and I look away, trying to keep my composure. When, really, I want to cuss him out. He has never raised his voice at me, never demanded anything of me, but I probably deserve it.
“I did,” I whisper, closing my eyes and feeling like utter shit for my truth. “And I kissed him back, but then I stopped him.”
Silence envelops us. I should have lied, but I won’t. I know what I did, and while I’m ashamed for letting it happen when I’m involved with Troy, I couldn’t have stopped myself if I’d wanted.
Dart makes me forget reality.
“I came here to be with you,” he tells me.
I open my eyes to look into his. “I know, not that I told you to.”
“You didn’t have to. I want to be with you.”
“I know that.”
“Do you even care for me?”
“Yes,” I admit, and I mean that.
I just care for Dart more.
“So, what are you thinking here?” he asks, his eyes wild.
“I don’t know, Troy. I don’t,” I admit because it’s true. “It’s all so confusing, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see him again.”
“Is he more than a one-night stand, Tennessee?”
My shoulders fall as my heart screams the answer I’m unable to admit out loud. “I can’t answer that because it’s complicated. I never expected to see him again, and with me traveling and him a professional hockey player who also travels all the time, it just doesn’t seem feasible—”
“But you want it to be,” he says, cutting me off.
Chills run down my back because of course I do, and that alone terrifies me. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I am trying to talk to you here.”
“Tennessee!” he yells, his eyes narrowing on mine. “Do you not know that I am wholeheartedly in love with you?”
Why does that make me feel guilty rather than excited?
He makes a scoffing sound as he looks away, running his hands down his face. “But you don’t love me.”
I look away as the tears start to fall down my face. “I told you I wasn’t emotionally ready to be with you.”
“Because of him?” he roars, his eyes dark and full of anger.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my lip quivering. “I just don’t know.”
“Well, tell me what you do fucking know,” he demands, and I swallow thickly.
“I need to think,” I say, holding his gaze.
“To think?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly. “I need to clear my head and figure out what the hell I am doing here.”
“This is bullshit. I thought I was falling in love with someone who was doing the same.”
His words are like knives, and I refuse to look away. “If I made you feel like that, I’m sorry. But I am pretty sure I’ve been honest since the jump.”
