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Damn it. I don’t have time to deal with that emotional baggage when I have no clue what I am going to do about Sabine. I can’t not see my sister, I can’t not be in her life, but I also can’t keep throwing money at my mom for her to blow it on herself when she needs to be a mother to my sister instead. I close my eyes to keep the tears in, and damn it, I just want to go home.
I just want to see Tennessee.
Chapter Thirty-One
Tennessee
I dislike being a hockey girlfriend, but my love for Dart outweighs my dislike a million times over.
I hate being away from him, but watching him play, score, and live his dreams fills me with such pride. I wish I had known this was how I would feel when I left him in Nashville. I wish I had known how much I could love him and that the time apart wouldn’t be as devastating as I’d assumed it would. I wish I had known that being his would fill whatever void I felt. How his voice brings on waves of pleasure. How his smile always elicits such joy. How being apart with the promise of seeing each other again is better than living apart from him and trying not to love him.
Because I truly believe Dart’s purpose on this earth is for me to love him.
With everything I am.
While I miss him, and I yearn for him like no other, I am okay. Mostly because I use work and Angie as a distraction. We are both workaholics and spend a lot of time together so we aren’t alone. I can’t get into the plants that she talks about more than I care for, but I sing along to Taylor Swift with her as she tends to them. We go to lunch together, take turns cooking dinner, and we’ve gotten to know each other. It’s easy with her, and I care for her a lot. I feel like she listens to me, cares what I have to say, and enjoys being my friend. It’s been refreshing. At night, I sleep in Dart’s shirt, on his side of the bed, just so I feel like I’m sleeping with him. But that won’t be the case tonight.
I’ll get to hold him tonight.
He said they’d be home around eleven, so Angie left a little while ago to shower and shave before Owen came home. I did all that this morning, and when she offered that I could water her plants while she got ready, I declined, but now I regret that. I should have gone and watered the damn plants. At least I would have been able to talk to Angie and I wouldn’t be sitting here on edge. Just waiting and watching the clock.
Damn it.
I fold my legs beneath me and lie on my Vols couch pillow as I scroll through Instagram. I look around the room, at the little Vols stuff that mingles with his hockey stuff. I thought he would get annoyed by it, but he only made me feel as if my things belonged with his. God, he is a dream. I focus on my phone, and even though there are plenty of posts to look at, I find myself going back to my own post and the three words Dart left for me. I love you. God, they utterly wreck me. No one has ever commented that. Denis would like my posts and Troy had put hearts, but Dart, he says the words as a promise. And each time is better than the last. I can’t wait to kiss him, hold him, tell him how much I love him.
When my phone sounds for my work email, I ignore it since I’m not working right now. I made a rule that I don’t work after hours. Since I am a workaholic, it makes me nervous that I’ll get burned out. So, I ignore it, even though I wonder if it’s from the company I work for. Nope, ignoring it, and thankfully, a text comes through to distract me.
Mom: Hey, you up?
I bring in my brows as I glance at the time. It’s late for her to be up, but I call her anyway. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, young lady?”
She scoffs at that. “I could say the same for you, younger lady.”
Our laughter collides. “I’m waiting for Dart to come home. He’s coming off a road trip.”
“Oh, that’s who I was calling about, actually.”
“Really? What about him?”
“Well, I haven’t shown your daddy your Instagram post, but you know he won’t be happy.”
I snort. “Which is why I posted it on Instagram, so that y’all didn’t see it. And that was, like, five days ago. Why are you just now saying something? Did you get Instagram and not tell me?”
