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He doesn’t say anything for a long minute, just holds my hand as he drives us to my house, so I finally look over at him.
His face is completely sober and still.
“Xander?”
“Hold on,” he says. “I’m thinking of giraffes and Mexican food so I don’t give in to the urge to pull this car over and fuck you on the side of the road.”
I laugh in relief. “You scared me. I thought you were suddenly possessed or something.”
“Nope, just trying to keep it together over here. You can’t just say shit like that to me and not expect me to need to be inside of you, Lorelei.”
“I was just thinking out loud, that’s all.”
But I do love the way his jaw clenches and his hands fist over the wheel, making his knuckles turn white.
Knowing that I can do that to this strong and powerful witch is damn satisfying.
“What are you thinking now?” he asks, but then quickly shakes his head. “Never mind. Don’t tell me. I don’t really want to know.”
“The girls and I were talking today about how you and I can’t read each other’s minds,” I tell him, shifting in the seat so I’m facing him. “I know that Jonas and Lucy cast the spell that makes them able to do that, but I told them I liked knowing we can’t read each other’s thoughts. I like surprising you and being surprised by you. How do you feel about it?”
He nods slowly, obviously thinking it over. He pulls into my driveway and cuts the engine, but neither of us moves to get out of the car.
We always used to love to talk in the car in the dark.
“Like you, I enjoy the mystery. I can read most people’s minds. Not all, and I never break trust by poking my brain in where it’s not wanted.”
“I know you don’t.”
“But yeah, I can see a lot, and I think that’s one of the things I’ve always loved about being with you—that I can’t see inside your head. It makes me feel like we’re just a normal couple, and it’s something I don’t want to change.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“However…” He takes my hand again and kisses my fingertips, then presses my palm to his chest. “I have thought about suggesting that we link ourselves together until this mess is all over. I don’t like the idea of not being able to connect with you in the event something goes sideways. Like at Beltane. If we’d been linked—”
“I don’t know that it would have changed anything. You can’t beat yourself up about that, Xander.”
“I almost lost you.” It’s a whisper, one filled with regret and pain and fear. “I almost lost you at my own hands, and if that had happened, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.”
“Whoa.” I shift over to him and straddle his lap, the steering wheel digging into my back, although I don’t really care. “You need to stop that, right here and now. First of all, you didn’t do anything to hurt me. That was something completely out of your control. Secondly, I don’t disagree. I have given it the same thought, being linked until this is over and then going back to normal might be good.”
“Maybe we should.” He drags his fingers down my cheek gently. I tip my forehead to his and wrap my arms around his neck, seeking as much comfort as I’m offering. “Maybe we should do that tomorrow. It’ll be weird, and it might feel invasive, but we can either turn it right back off or break the connection once our quest is over.”
“Tomorrow,” I agree and then kiss him softly. “Please, my love, stop beating yourself up for something you didn’t do. You’re so strong and powerful, and I know in my heart of hearts that you would never harm me, whether we’re together or not. What happened isn’t your fault.”
He sighs and then tugs my shoulders back so he can look into my eyes.
“I’ve needed to hear you say exactly those words for almost three years. For very different reasons.”
Now the tears do prick the backs of my eyes. “I know. I know you did, and I’m sorry I couldn’t give them to you. But I do mean them, Xander. For everything. What happened three years ago, at Beltane, everything.”
“Thank you.” He crushes me against him and holds on so tightly it’s a wonder I can breathe.
Not that I mind.
Finally, after a few moments like that, I gently push away. “We should check things out. And I want to grab my altar to bring with me. It won’t take long, and then we can go to your house and get mushy some more.”
“Let’s do it.”
He helps me off his lap, and we slide out of the car. The front door is still locked, and when I walk inside, I see that Xander’s right.
