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And I really felt for him. After everything Charlie had been through, it would be weirder if he didn’t have trust issues, really.
“I understand,” I told him. “It’s okay. I’ll always give you any feedback you need.”
He leaned in, pressing the smallest kiss to the side of my head, just above my ear. Goosebumps rippled over my whole body after that little kiss, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to nuzzle back in against him for more.
After another couple minutes, Charlie stopped to rest his hands and I leaned back on my chair.
“I have to learn how to convince you that I’d do anything with you on camera,” I told him.
His eyes went wide, and he coughed once after a sip of his ginger ale. “Sorry. That just totally came out like you were trying to say you’d do a porno with me.”
I laughed. Suddenly I was feeling more relaxed than I had all day—maybe more relaxed than I’d been in weeks. “All I meant was that I have no shame about any of it. Okay?”
He nodded, light glinting off his dark hair. “Got it. You’re not afraid to be seen with another guy.”
“We have to, like, convince everyone that we’re fucking,” I said. “Really fucking. Like we can’t stay off of each other, day and night. We can make it seem real. I want people to think I live to worship your cock after tonight.”
Charlie coughed and fumbled, reaching for his drink glass, and in one quick instant he knocked it over, sending ginger ale and ice clattering down the bar.
“Jesus,” he said, his cheeks flaring red as he reached for a small napkin.
“That napkin isn’t going to cut it. Hold on,” I said, hopping up and walking to the gate at the end of the bar. As I went behind the bar I realized that my dick was at a full half-chub from what I’d said to Charlie, and I purposely faced the other direction as I went behind the bar, grabbing a rag and roll of paper towels.
“Sorry,” he said as I blotted up the rest of the spilled drink.
“No, no,” I told him. “It's my fault. Apparently when I have no filter left, filthy things come out of my mouth. It’s just what I want the fans to think, you know?”
“Don’t apologize. That’s the hottest thing I’ve heard in months. Just don’t know if I’ll ever get used to you saying things like that.”
I glanced up at him from under my lashes. “It doesn’t make you uncomfortable, does it?”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Uncomfortable? Not exactly. You’re just…”
“Straight,” I said, the word coming out of my mouth sounding more bitter than I’d expected.
Charlie gave me a hesitant look, then nodded. “Yeah.”
As I washed my hands and came back around to the other side of the bar again, it was like a switch had been flipped in me. I was tired of Charlie assuming I’d be too afraid to do anything with him just because I’d never done anything with a guy before. I was tired of him treating me like he had to have straight-guy gloves on.
Like I was fragile. Like I’d lose it at any mention of anything too “gay.”
And somewhere in my sleep-deprived, fucked-up state of mind, I wanted to smash that assumption into a thousand pieces, right about now.
I cocked my head at him. “So you think I’m too straight to say filthy things?”
“Jax,” he said softly.
“Too straight to tell you I want to suck every last drop of cum from you and then beg for more?”
His cheeks were turning a shade of pink I’d never seen on him before, and it was only more fuel for the fire inside me.
“Shut up,” he murmured, looking at my lips and then back up to my eyes again.
“Too straight to tell you I jerked off to the thought of our kiss a couple times this week?”
I knew I’d crossed an invisible line, and there was no going back.
Shit. I really didn’t have a filter right now. I hadn’t planned on telling Charlie that he’d been the only subject of my fantasies for days on end, but I was too far gone to keep it inside now.
“Fuck,” he said, giving me a pained look.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Am I making you uncomfortable for real, now?”
He leaned over toward me. A stray lock of hair fell forward over his forehead, and I reached out to push it back without even thinking.
“You’re not making me uncomfortable. You’re turning me the fuck on.”
Adrenaline surged through me. When he was this close to me I always felt weak, but in my hazy, tired state, I was done for. I looked at his lashes, trying to focus on anything but his lips. I felt like I was about half a second away from leaning in to kiss him, and I had no clue if that’s what he was trying to go for tonight.
