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I straightened a small part of his collar that had come upturned, taking the opportunity to run my palm along his upper chest. “You’re big, big mad.”
Jax finally relented, puffing out a laugh and looking up at the ceiling for a moment. He looked back down to me, a glimmer in his eyes now as he reached down to grab my hand. He pulled it up to his lips and pressed a few little kisses to the back of it, and I swore my heart just kept melting into a little puddle.
“Have I ever told you that I hate you?” he said, and the words had never seemed more ridiculous than they were right now, while we were caught in a quick moment of true mutual affection.
I hummed gently. “Right back at you. And, you know, don’t get me wrong, it’s really cute, how mad you were.”
“Big mad, you mean?”
“So big.”
He let out a breath, releasing my hand. I instantly missed his touch. A standing table opened up nearby, and we took a few steps over. Jax’s eyes scanned the room.
“Everyone just acts like it’s so impossible that we could ever really date,” he said, shaking his head as he looked out into the crowd. “Oh, aren’t they just so good at acting? Isn’t it just the best marketing idea?”
“I mean, it certainly has been good for promotion.”
“I know, I know,” he said, waving a hand. “But why is it so hard to fathom that we could have anything other than a fake relationship?”
“Well, because—”
“Don’t say because I’m straight, or I swear I’ll start our first fight right now,” he told me, which made me smile.
“Because you were straight,” I clarified. “I get it. You’re starting to feel like you’re not that straight anymore. I definitely understand that now, but sometimes people just need a little time to catch up to a new reality. You know?”
I understood his not-so-straightness better than anyone, really. I’d seen firsthand the hunger in his eyes when he was inches away from my cock, and I’d seen him get harder than hell just from a kiss with me.
He chewed the inside of his cheek, looking over at me again.
“We could date,” he said finally. “I could easily, like, win you over and romance you and seduce you even if we weren’t doing it for a show.”
“You could seduce a fucking pile of rocks, Jax, so I don’t know if that one counts,” I told him. “You could seduce anyone with a pulse.”
He snorted, giving me a little push on the shoulder. “Fine, flatterer. But the other stuff, too.”
His voice had gotten softer as he said it, and for a moment my mind ran wild with what he might mean. What “other stuff” was he talking about? It was making my heart pound faster, wondering what those possibilities could be.
He leaned in toward me. “You said that it takes people some time to get used to a new reality. A reality where I’m definitely not straight.”
I cleared my throat, nodding. “Right. Yes.”
It was hard to not get swept away when he looked at me so intently, right across the table like this—his eyes were always a bit mesmerizing, but in the hustle and bustle of a busy party, having Jax look right at me made me feel like we were in our own little bubble. When he looked at someone, he really gave them his whole attention, and it was somehow thrilling and utterly comforting, all at the same time.
“I think some part of me always wondered,” Jax said. “But I was way too lost in school stuff and life stuff to even think about dating girls, let alone questioning my sexuality. I just… always thought that stuff could come later. Once my life was established.”
“I can clue you in on a little secret,” I told him, with only tenderness in my voice. “Life never feels perfectly established. And knowing you, you’re definitely going to be a lifelong learner.”
He gave me a small nod. “I’ve kind of been realizing that.”
“But there’s no way in hell I’m not grilling you on what you just said,” I told him. “You said you always wondered about your sexuality?”
He shrugged like it was nothing. “There have been guys in the frat that were cute, over the years. Guys that I had tiny moments with, or random boners that I couldn’t explain during pool parties.”
“And you never acted on it?”
“Never.”
“God, you have more self-restraint than I do.”
He sighed. “I have too much self-restraint, sometimes.”
“And I have zero self-control, usually,” I said. “For my whole life, the moment I started feeling attraction to a guy, I had to show it. Had to let him know how into him I was. Showering people with love, even when they didn’t deserve it. Why do you think I’m on a dating ban right now? I’m 29 years old and I still haven’t learned how to just be chill about things.”
