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So he wanted a little, not a pet?
Did that mean I was more special than a duck?
“A fish wouldn’t be hard to take care of, Daddy.” Taking another bite, I hurried to swallow and told him all about how wonderful a fish would be. “And I could carry his bowl with me downstairs to work and he wouldn’t be lonely and—”
“On the stairs?” Daddy’s expression looked like I’d told him I wanted to date the fish, not just take him to work. “On the stairs?”
Maybe I should’ve asked for a bird?
Before I could figure that out, Daddy was shaking his head and hurrying around the room cleaning everything so fast I didn’t even have time to take my plate to the sink like a good boy. “You require a caretaker more than I realized, little human. However, do not worry. I will take very good care of you.”
I definitely wasn’t getting a fish.
“Thank you, Daddy?” I tried to decide if things with teeth would be really out of the question, but Daddy picked me up from the table and distracted me. “What are you doing, Daddy?”
He was strong.
And kind of bossy.
And really protective.
“You require a bath, little human.” As he carried me through the apartment, Daddy looked down at me like it should’ve been obvious. “You have the viscous oily substance from the sandwich on your cheeks and your hands and in your hair.”
I did?
Somehow reaching up to touch my hair and find the mayo seemed to get more mayo in my hair, making Daddy wince. He might’ve been right about me being a tiny bit slimy, but a bath?
“I like bubbles, Daddy.” He might not know bubbles needed to go in baths. “A bath with no bubbles means I’ve been naughty.”
“I am to assume you feel that becoming covered in edible lubricant is not naughty?” Daddy looked down at me and sighed as I giggled. “You are very tired.”
No, Daddy was just funny.
“It tastes so good, Daddy.” Holding up my hands, I stuck them up to his face. “See?”
Daddy licked me.
Laughing hard, I would’ve fallen out of his arms if he’d been a human Daddy, but he had so many hands, I was nice and stuck.
“Human humor is fascinating.” Daddy said that with such a straight face he made me laugh all over again. “For now, we will focus on cleanliness. Where is your bathtub?”
I pointed down the hall and was still giggling when we got to the bathroom in my big bedroom and all of Daddy’s magic hands were doing everything at once. “It’s magic. I can’t even pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time, Daddy.”
“You have a Daddy now to help with a variety of difficult situations, little human.” As Daddy finished pouring the bubble bath that he’d dug out from under the sink into the water, he shifted some of his smaller limbs to grab my hands again.
He was amazing.
Daddy helped me pat and rub at the same time.
“We shall practice if you find this to be a necessary skill to learn.” Helping me as the bubbles got bigger and bigger and bigger, Daddy even got my clothes off as he helped me pat and rub.
Alien Daddies were much better than human ones.
“Our practice can continue after your nap, little human.” Daddy stopped my hands and lifted me up off the floor to take my shoes off so my pants could fall.
“You’re so strong, Daddy.” He could pick me up and take my shoes off and turn off the water. That was even better than patting and rubbing at the same time. “But I’m naked.”
“Yes. Human bathing rituals require nakedness.” Daddy carefully set me down in the water, holding on tight. “You must not stand up because the surface you are on has very little friction.”
Daddy looked so serious I decided I didn’t need to tell him that I’d fallen last week.
It’d just been a little bump.
“I’ll be careful, Daddy.” I gave him a big smile as he picked up my toy basket from the floor and held it out to me so I could grab my little people, but Daddy looked very skeptical. “Very careful, Daddy.”
I almost made him believe me, but somehow when I reached for my pirate ship, my butt slipped and down I went.
Oops.
But Daddy got me before I even got bubbles in my mouth and the water only sloshed a tiny bit. When he had me steady, he sighed and wrapped one limb around my tummy like I had a bathtub seat belt. “I am not certain we are using the same definition of that expression.”
“It was an accident, Daddy.” I wiggled, trying to see if he would let me go.
He didn’t.
“I won’t fall, honest, Daddy.” No matter how big I smiled, Daddy frowned and shook his head.
