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“Number five?” he echoes, making a considering sound as he connects the dots. “Do something unexpected? What do you have in mind?”
“You’ll see. Just . . . go with me?”
“Always,” he promises and ends the call.
And I believe him. He will always go with me. Even when I do things that are a little crazy.
Or maybe a lot crazy.
But hey, you know what they say—if a little’s good, a lot ought to be better.
6
JESSE
Intrigued—and relieved that Ruby seems to have had a change of heart—I tuck my phone into my back pocket and fold my arms over my chest, ready for whatever comes next.
Or so I think.
I’m decidedly not ready for Ruby to step forward, take Chad’s face in her hands, and say in a firm voice loud enough for the entire market to hear, “The only things that are ugly when they’re small are hearts, Chad. My boobs are exactly the size they’re supposed to be. And, as someone who cares about other women, I would encourage you, from now on, to be gracious and grateful for whatever boobs come into your life. No matter what their size, they’re more than your itty-bitty heart deserves.”
“Yeah, girl! You tell him,” the woman manning the juice bar calls out, while the checkout boy laughs, two older women in the soap aisle applaud politely, and the girl stocking the salad behind me nods with a soft, “Amen.”
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, my boobs and I have places to go and great things to accomplish.” Ruby removes her hands from his cheeks and dusts off her palms like she’s just touched something kind of gross—which she has.
Chad is absolutely gross, and now he’s profoundly embarrassed.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen cheeks that red before. He looks like a boil about to pop. Ha. Serves him right for saying anything to Ruby about her chest except, “Thank you, sex goddess, for granting me this sample of boob-enhanced paradise.”
I’m so proud of her. Then Ruby starts toward me, her eyes going wide as she mouths “Oh my God, what just happened?”
I grin so hard my cheeks hurt. “You happened,” I whisper as she stops in front of me, her face flushed and her eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in ages. “You’re absolutely right. And you just marked number five off the list.”
“You didn’t expect me to stand up for the small boobs of the world in the middle of the grocery store?” I can tell she’s trying to keep a straight face but is too keyed up to make the deadpan bit work this time.
“Not even a little bit,” I say, making sure I’m not looking anywhere near her breasts as I add, “And for the record, your chest is perfect.”
“Yeah?”
“Completely fucking perfect,” I say, my voice husky, and things stirring that shouldn’t be stirring.
Her lips—those equally perfect, bow-shaped lips—part. “How would you know? You’ve never seen them.”
“I’ve seen you in a sports bra when we go jogging. Trust me, that’s more than enough for this man’s imagination.”
“Maybe, but it’s not the same thing,” she says, a mischievous gleam flickering in her eyes. “I could flash you, if you’d like. So you can know for sure. I bet you wouldn’t be expecting that, either.”
Blood rushes to my head.
The wrong head. The one I can’t be thinking with if I’m going to be the kind of friend Ruby needs right now.
“Tempting, but maybe we should save things that might get you arrested until later in the process?” I say in a voice that’s far cooler than I’m feeling right now. “Hard to get through a Best Life List in jail.”
“Good point.” Her eyes dart to the right as she whispers, “Are they gone?”
At the checkout, the clerk gathers items on the belt into a basket with no sign of Chad or his new woman—who couldn’t hold a candle to Ruby on her best day. “All clear. Guess they decided against groceries.”
Ruby’s brow wrinkles. “Oh, no. I should buy more than a bottle of iced tea, then. I hate that I scared away a paying customer.”
“They’ve got plenty of customers, but you’re sweet.”
“No, I’m not,” she says, the light dimming in her eyes. “I’m scared. Yeah, that felt amazing in the moment, but I can already tell I’m going to regret it later.”
I snort at the idea. “Why? That was great.”
“Because I made a scene. I was . . . embarrassing.”
“No, you weren’t. You were awesome.”
“You totally were,” a feminine voice agrees from over my shoulder. I turn to see the salad-stocking woman nodding at Ruby. “I would love to say some shit like that to my ex. Though, I wouldn’t be as eloquent about it. And there would be more F-bombs involved.”
“Yeah, for me too, probably,” Ruby says with a laugh, “if it had happened a few weeks ago. I’m over the angry part now.”
