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I turned over and smiled, watching as he grabbed his shoes and pulled them back on. It was one of the few times he wasn’t wearing flip flops, and something about the way his arms flexed as he tied the laces made my stomach flutter.
You’re already too far gone, Ashlynn.
I rolled my eyes at myself and sat up next to Rhys. When he was done, he turned to me and kissed me gently. “I’ll call you tonight when we get to the hotel. I’m flying back after the early game tomorrow, but it’ll still be kinda late. Our date can be the next night.”
I nodded and kissed him again. It felt weird, but good, knowing that we were going on a date, that we were an actual couple.
“You still have my code saved in your texts?”
“Yeah,” I smiled.
“Use it, and be at my place tomorrow when I get back.”
“Want me to be naked?” I teased.
“You better not be.” I pulled back and looked at him with confusion. “I want to be the one that takes your clothes off.”
I giggled, and he stood, grabbing his keys from my floor where he had apparently tossed them when he came in. He leaned onto the bed, his fists pressing into the mattress on each side of my legs, and kissed me one more time.
Then he was gone, and I fell back into the bed with a goofy grin on my face. How did life change so fast? How was this happening to me?
I had always been the girl who had to grind to get what she wanted. I set my goals and worked my ass off with no help from anyone, other than the encouragement of my grandparents, and the money I got from the sale of their house.
Soccer always came naturally, and although I didn’t even want to play in college, I was recruited and given an offer I couldn’t refuse. It had been all I’d thought about as I made my way through my four years. The occasional boyfriend and hook up came along, but nothing was ever enough to get my focus off my end goal.
Now Rhys was changing everything. I wanted to be with him more than I wanted to graduate. More than I wanted to be in the Cup. More than I wanted to hear from my mom again.
I picked up my phone and considered calling my mom. Maybe with everything changing, she could too. Or maybe I could accept who she was with grace, rather than disdain.
Okay, Ash, that is asking for too much at one time.
I tossed my phone back onto my bed and shook the thoughts of my mom away. She wasn’t something I could control, nor should I even be worried about it as I start a new relationship. But school work was never ending, and getting all caught up while Rhys was gone, was my new plan. That way, when he got home, I wouldn't have any distractions except for my own games and practice.
I brought my laptop up and grabbed my books from the side table of my bed. When everything was set up, I dove into my next paper on estimating L-infinity norms. A topic that only a few weeks ago made me giddy and excited.
Rhys was already changing me, making me obsess on something that didn’t involve numbers. I closed my eyes and reprimanded myself, vowing that no one was worth throwing away my dreams. If Rhys and I were going to be anything together, I had to remember to make something of myself on my own as well.
But at what cost? My mother spiraled away from love when it was given to her, and obsessed over her freedom. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes my mother made. I always assumed that I could find the balance that my mother never could. I wanted to love someone the way she could never bring herself to love me. It may not have been a baby, but whatever was happening between Rhys and me was important.
A baby.
I touched my stomach and remembered the last time Rhys and I were together. We had no protection. He didn’t want to feel that barrier between us. Until that very moment, I hadn’t thought about a baby being a possibility. Did it cross Rhys’ mind?
“Oh no.” Tears immediately started coming down my eyes and I began shaking my head. Another panic attack was brewing as my thoughts started to jumble together. Being a dad was always on Rhys’ mind, and it quickly raced through mine that he may have hoped that night would lead to a baby.
“No, Ash.” I had just put all my faith in him and I was done making assumptions about anything else until we talked.
But what if Iwaspregnant?
Was it too soon to know? I pulled an app up on my phone that helped me track my cycle and I started to shake when I saw that I was due to start my period that day. If I didn’t, I knew I could take a test and know for sure. I wasn’t going to panic or worry.
Besides, the thought of being pregnant didn’t scare me as much as it should have. Not nearly as much as the thought of Rhys deceiving me did. That would kill me, because I had just given him control of my heart, and he promised that not breaking it would be his new goal.
ChapterThirty-Six
Rhys
Ash was quiet, not talking much when I called her from my hotel. She told me she was tired, and distracted by school, but something felt off. One day into our relationship and I already had a bad feeling in my stomach.
