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She knew about Ash, she knew how old she was. Ash must have been there when Melanie showed up. Melanie was a snake, and I worried she somehow poisoned Ash’s faith in me.
“No more,” I vowed. “No more being scared. No more doubting me. No more Melanie.”
Within minutes, I made it to Ash’s and barely got the car in park before I jumped out and raced to her door.
“Ash!” I banged. “Open up.”
A light clicked on and I heard her moving inside the room.
“Ash!”
The lock on the door clicked and she turned the handle slowly—the exact opposite of two nights before when I showed up to tell her how I was feeling. I leaned an arm on each side of the door jam and bowed my head, trying to be patient as the door slowly opened.
When I looked up and into her eyes, I could tell she had been crying. She had the same old blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she’d had before, and she pulled it tighter as if it was a safe barrier for her.
“Can I come in?”
She nodded and backed away, closing the door behind me, just as slowly as she opened it. Then she fell to her knees and the tears came hard. Her body was shaking, and she started to curl herself into the fetal position.
I scooped her up into my arms and sat down on the bed, holding her close. “I’m so sorry.” I repeated those words over and over again, rocking her and kissing her hair. “Causing any of your tears is my biggest regret.”
It took a few minutes, but once the tears subsided, she pushed back a little and looked up. “I’ve never been this insecure. I’ve never been this scared. I’ve questioned everything since I met you. My mind never stops questioning.”
“She is all show. Fake. Troubled. I couldn't see it until I met you. But I promise I had no idea she would show up. I’m having her removed, and the codes changed, as we speak.”
Ash’s sadness turned to confusion and she tilted her head. “What?”
“My ex being at my place tonight.”
“No,” she whispered. “That isn’t…”
“I was never in love with her. I thought I was, but fuck, until recently I don’t think I even knew what love was. I always wondered why my love looked different than my brother’s, but I just assumed it was because we were so different. Because love was what I sought while he spent his life trying to avoid it.”
Was I admitting that I was in love with Ash? If I was, then it was only in that moment that I even realized I was. The need to get to her, make sure she was okay, and comfort her was something I had never felt before. And with Ash, it wasn’t even the first time I felt that way.
Seeing the redness on her stomach the night I kicked the ball into her was when that feeling started. Then caring for her ankle, and overreacting every time Hunter turned in her direction. I was always wanting to be the reason she was okay, and never wanting to be the one that caused her pain.
Was that love?
“I never made it to your place,” she cried. “I don't know what you’re talking about.”
Now I was the one confused, and I turned her to where she was straddling and facing me so I could look at her directly. “Then what’s wrong? I don’t want to fuck this up.”
Her eyes closed tightly, fighting more tears. I had never seen her like that. My heart was breaking worse than it ever had. I needed her to tell me what I could do because all I wanted was to fix whatever it was.
“Ash,” I whispered, encouraging her to talk.
“I took a pregnancy test.” Her chest was heaving so hard as she tried to stop herself from crying. Meanwhile, my heart had moved to my throat and I froze, waiting for her to finish. “It was negative.”
Relief helped me breathe again and my head leaned forward to touch hers. “You must have been so scared. I’m so sorry we took that risk, and I’m so sorry you’ve been alone today.”
“I was scared that you may have considered that I might get pregnant that night. That you were hoping for it. But that thought didn’t last long, I promise. And then once I had a chance to think about it reasonably, the idea of having a baby made me excited.”
“Excited?” I didn’t waste time being upset that she doubted me. She knew without me having to tell her that I would never do that to her.
She shrugged, and a few more tears fell down her face, so I reached up to wipe them away. “I had a shitty mom. I guess like you, I was excited at the thought of being able to prove I didn’t become her. Because even though it's always been my plan to avoid becoming a mother, I would be a good one. I’d never choose anything over my baby.”
“You’re young. There is plenty of time for you to decide to have a baby. I’m glad it's not now. But there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you since that night together, and it's never been the right time, or you were gone, or we ended up talking about something else.”
