Page 2 of Forgiveness


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I hop out of bed and head into the bathroom, following Lauren’s first command by turning on the shower. But I won’t be fulfilling the second. My beautiful, faithless wife can go to hell.

Whitney

The front dooropens and my stomach jolts. Mark’s hard footsteps sound over the tile before he enters the kitchen.

I brace myself before turning around. He’s been with another woman. I know that for a fact after the DM I got this morning. Why am I afraid I’ll see evidence of her on his body when I’m finally able to look at him? I’ve never seen the cliché lipstick stain on his collar. Never smelled perfume. I’ve never even seen his hair wet from one of the showers I know he must take after he fucks them. Mark is indiscreet but not brazen.

The difference is always in me. Any time I am sure he’s been with someone else, the sight of him is painful afterward. Somehow knowing the specifics makes the chasm between us grow excruciatingly deep. The DM I got this morning wasn’t my first, but it somehow hurt the most. Why? The answer still eludes me. Maybe because she was so young. Even her wording was youthful, like she could be friends with our son.

Your husband told me you’re in an open marriage.I’m sure you can guess why, so I won’t go into details. I got a liar vibe from him, so I felt like I had to reach out to you. You’re insanely hot, btw. Way hotter than me. He’s a dumbass. I don’t mean to be insensitive. I’ve never been in this position before. I really don’t know what to say except I’m sorry. Lauren.

I didn’t know what to say either, so I replied with a “thank you”, and that was that.

Now I have to face him.

When I turn around, chills ripple over my skin. My God, he’s such a beautiful man. It’s not fair that younger women find his lean body and salt and pepper hair so conventionally attractive. I have to work like a dog to “age gracefully” without nearly the same prospects.

The world is unfair.

“Hey, honey,” Mark says with a smirk, and my stomach plummets. He only ever calls me pet names as a taunt. Since Mason is sitting at the kitchen table a few feet away, I’m forced to play nice.

It’s as though Mark is silently telling me this is what I signed up for. This is what it means to stay together for the kids.

It’s my payment. He doesn’t think I’ve suffered enough for what I did all those years ago, so he takes payments of pain. His infidelity is worth more if it hurts.

“Hi.” I don’t say any more, but I let my expression tell him everything. I stare at him with my jaw clenched and accusation in my eyes.

I know where you’ve been.

His brow furrows in confusion. I guess I’ll have to be more blunt. “I got an interesting DM this morning,” I say.

His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t seem surprised. “Did you?”

I swallow. “Yes. Apparently, one of your…” When I glance over at Mason, he’s staring at his phone and shoving a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth. I pin Mark with a glare. “One of yourclientshad some information for me.”

He looks away from me for a long moment, probably to collect himself, and I expel a shaky breath. When he meets my eyes again, his expression is hard. There’s no remorse in those dark eyes. “I don’t know why one of myclientswould reach out to you.” He takes a step in my direction. “My work has nothing to do with you.”

My body grows cold. My God. Could there be a clearer sign that things will never change between us? He doesn’t even think I have a right to be concerned about his affairs.

It takes everything within me to hold his stare. “You’re right.” My voice is a little breathless. “I don’t know why I brought it up.”

His eyes widen minutely. Was he expecting something other than resignation from me? He walks in my direction, stopping only a foot away, and his scent washes over me. Longing clenches my chest.

God, I want to hate this man. I don’t want to crave his touch.

“Is there a reason you brought it up?” His voice is gentle.

When his eyes bore into mine, my throat grows tight. What is this intense look of his? Does he really need more evidence that I’m breaking inside?

“No,” I say. “Just forget about it.”

His jaw clenches. He doesn’t like that I’m brushing him off. After glancing at Mason, he looks back at me, and a small smile tugs at his lips.

I don’t like this look of his. There’s cruelty in it.

“Can I have a kiss?” Mark’s smile grows. “I missed you.”

The breath leaves my lungs in an instant, as if I’ve been knocked to the ground. How could he do this? Does he think I have no heart, that it won’t be devastating to kiss those lips when I know where they’ve been?

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