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“Mark…” She sighs. “I knew I shouldn’t have—”
“Just listen,” I say, my heart in my throat. “All I want is one date. I’m not asking for any more than that. Don’t give me anything unless I work for it. No promises. No commitment. I can never make up for what I’ve done. I can never do anything to deserve your love, but I’m willing to work for you for the rest of my life. I’ll let my actions speak for me.”
She stares at her lap for what feels like an eternity, and my heart pounds like a hammer against my throat. Finally, she looks up, and I can read the answer in her eyes.
I want to die.
“That’s not how love works,” she says. “At least, not the kind of love I want.”
My head grows so heavy, I could fall over. With effort, I keep my eyes level with hers. “What do you mean?”
“You’re trying to earn me.”
I shake my head. “I know I never could. That’s what I’m saying. I’m willing to pay for the rest of my li—”
“Pay.” She lifts her brows. “That word says everything about what went wrong between us. Our relationship was always transactional. I messed up big time, and I had to pay you for it. My payments were in pain.”
I flinch. “It was wrong. It was despicable. I’ll never do it ag—”
“You’re doing it now. You’re offering me a payment, and that’s not how it should be. Love can’t be earned.” She sets her hand on mine. “Back when I had my affair, you either had to forgive me or let me go. You weren’t able to do either, and that left us in limbo for fifteen years.”
I try to stifle the sob that erupts from my chest with little success. She squeezes my hand.
“I don’t want to leave you in limbo. I don’t want you to pay eternally because I’m not willing to let you go.”
I let the tears fall, and she rubs my back. Even if I could find the words, what more could I say? She’s right that it’s always been transactional between us.
I’ve never known how to love any other way.
CHAPTER11
Whitney
I spinin front of the mirror, letting my baby-doll dress flare around my hips.
My wedding date with Stephen is this evening, and I’ve been a bundle of nerves all day. I desperately want to let loose and enjoy myself, but I can’t push away the memory of last week.
Those glistening tears rolling down Mark’s face. The brokenness in his deep voice as he sobbed.
I refuse to let my emotions get the better of me. I’m going to have sex tonight, whether I’m ready for it or not. It’s time.
When I walk out of the closet, Livvy looks up from her phone. “Oh my goodness! You look amazing.”
I smile at my adorable, probably future daughter-in-law. I’ve always found it so endearing that she uses the word “goodness” instead of “God”.
“You look great, Mom,” Cole says. “Seriously. You could be a teenager for how fit you are.”
I shake my head sharply. “I don’t want to be a teenager. I’m happy being a forty-three-year-old woman. I don’t even have to date if I don’t want to. I’ve already lived my dream of raising a family.”
Livvy nods. “I like that perspective. Now you can just have fun.”
I force a smile.
Fun. Nothing about the last week has been fun.
Damn Mark.
“So do you think that’s the one?” Livvy asks. “Or do you want to show us another?”
