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There’s nothing I can do. My fate is in her hands. If she can’t forgive me, I’ll be like this forever. Watching her from afar.
Watching another man touch her, love her, care for her. A couple years from now, I’ll probably see them together at Cole and Livvy’s wedding. She’ll be sitting next to him, gripping his hand throughout the ceremony. He’ll be with her when she holds our first grandchild. After she takes the baby in her arms, she’ll turn to him, smiling with all of that warmth and love that I wish I could capture in a mason jar.
But it will be for him. Not me. All of her joy will be his—even forourchildren.
No part of her will be mine anymore.
Oh fuck, I can’t bear this.
I glance over at the clock. 11:36 pm. For all I know, she might be lying naked in his arms right now.
I have to know.
I have to know if I’ve already been replaced.
What if I went over there? I’ll just check and see if his car is outside. Ultimately, I’d be hurting no one but myself.
Fuck, I’m losing my mind. I shouldn’t even be considering something this unhinged. I shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the small chance I have and yet…
A part of me knows that I have no chance. It won’t matter if she catches me spying on her. I have nothing to lose.
I’ve already lost her.
Whitney
It was too soon.
Stephen wraps his arms around me and pulls my back against his chest. His warm breath brushes against my ear. “I’ve been thinking about this since the day you first walked into my office.”
“Me too,” I say, tears prickling behind my eyes.
I can’t let him see my inner turmoil. I twist onto my back, straining to keep my expression languid and dreamy, like it should be after having sex with a man like him.
He can’t know that it was too soon.
“I don’t mean to kick you out,” I say, “but Maddy is set to be dropped off at midnight…”
“Oh.” He licks his lips and glances around the room. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry.”
I set my hand on his cheek. “You have no reason to apologize. It was impulsive of me to invite you in.”
He smiles. “I’m glad you did.”
“Me too,” I lie, somehow able to keep my voice from breaking.
After throwing on a T-shirt and sweats, I walk with him downstairs. A prickle runs over my skin as I glance at the kitchen window. We’re in full view of the drive. If Maddy’s friends happen to drop her off right now, she’d see a strange man with her mother in the middle of the night.
It was too soon. I wish I had waited until I was ready to have sex, instead of trying to prove to myself that I don’t need Mark.
Mark
Adrenaline pumping through my veins,it doesn’t take much effort to hop over the iron gate. I walk as quietly as possible behind the trees along the perimeter of the drive. As I get closer to the house, a sweet voice drifts into my ears.
“I had a great time at the wedding,” Whitney says.
As if I’m pulled by an omnipotent force, I walk slowly forward until her small form comes into view. She’s standing in the drive, and Stephen’s tall form is hovering over her. Close.
Too close.
