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She wants to make sure he isn’t listening.
“I told her everything that happened,” she continues. “And she’s given me so much wisdom. I never expected it, but that was probably stupid of me. She’s an old spirit.”
A chill ripples over my skin.
An old spirit.
Why did I never see it before? Sofia is absolutely right. My Mariana saw the measure of things from the very beginning. She knew that I was so in awe of her dad I was afraid to form my own opinions of her. I saw her as a baby because he did, too. But she taught us both a lesson.
She saw my struggles from the very beginning, all my human frailties. And she gently tried to coax me out of them.
I’m not my father. Interpreting my desire for Mariana—the most precious human being I’ve ever known—as lust inherited from him was foolishness.
Foolishness that came from terror. I saw the destruction my dad wrought on my mom’s life. How depressed and fragile he left her. It was agony to see her so unhappy. There was nothing I could do. Instead, I had to watch her slowly fade away. My precious mother withered like flower petals under the callous sun.
I never wanted to inflict the kind of pain my father did. Not on someone so precious to me.
But I did it anyway. Mariana loves me. Holy fuck, she loves me. And I tried to push her away.
Never again.
I inhale an unsteady breath. “Would it be inappropriate for me to talk to Mariana tonight?”
Sofia’s eyes grow wide. “You mean…about your relationship?”
I lift my hand and run my fingers through the hair at the crown of my head, now damp from sweat. “I’ve been an idiot. A selfish idiot when I thought I was being honorable. I thought I was doing what was best for her.”
Sofia’s smile grows cheeky, reminding me of my sweet Mariana. “From what I know about my sister, she’s the only person she’d ever let decide what’s best for her.”
The breathless laugh that escapes my chest is almost hysterical. Of course my Mariana would never let me make that decision, but I tried to force it on her anyway.
I’ve been a fool, and it’s time to make it right.
ChapterThirty-Four
Mariana
Brandon is headed my way with an urgency that sends my heart pounding. His eyes are wild, his brow furrowed.
What is this about?
“Mariana.” His voice is choked. “Can I… Can I speak with you for a moment?”
Warmth radiates within me. There’s no mistaking the look of longing in his eyes. I nod and stand up from my chair in a daze, the whole world around me growing fuzzy and bright. He leads me away from the crowd, down to the beach. The sand beneath our feet muffles our steps.
Finally, when we’ve reached a spot away from the noise of the party, he stops. He turns to me, swallowing hard. “I’ve been a fool.” His voice shakes.
I wait for him to say more, but he seems too full of emotion to speak. I stand with him in delicious silence. The setting sun bathes his face in blinding golden light, his thick lashes casting shadows down his cheek. He’s so damn beautiful.
I’ll remember this moment forever. It will be burned in my memory, like the light of a distant star.
“I didn’t listen to you. It was… I hate myself for not seeing…” He shuts his eyes, shaking his head. “Sorry. I’m just overwhelmed.”
Lightness lifts at my limbs, making me feel like I could float away. This is the man who delivers sermons with the fluidity of a watercolor brush on a canvas. Now, he’s struggling to form basic sentences.
When he opens his eyes, they’re dark and intense. “I love you so much it scares me. I was so afraid that I…” He swallows. “I was so afraid that you’d resent me for stealing your youth…”
When his voice shakes, I set my hand on his arm. “It wouldn’t be stealing when I’m giving it to you freely. I love you, Brandon. I want you to have my youth and my old age. I want you to have all of it.”
