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“What do you need us to do?” she asks him.
“Why don’t you start by making sure we haven’t run out of coffee and cookies?”
She smiles before walking away, and Brandon’s gaze drifts to me. A tingle runs down my spine. I must be vain for thinking he’s as affected by my presence as I am by his, but sometimes he gives me an intense look that cuts right into my belly.
He smiles. “Mariana.”
My full name. Always my full name, and the undulating syllables are like music on his lips.
“My favorite atheist,” he says, and a flush rises to my cheeks. My eyes dart toward the coffee station at the back of the auditorium, and I release a breath when I see Sofia arranging napkins.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Brandon says, following my gaze to Sofia. “Did I say that too loud?”
“No.” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m just paranoid.”
“It’s okay.” His eyes hold a smile. “I’m still your pastor, even if you’re a…you-know-what. You can be paranoid around me.”
The tension leaves my shoulders. It’s moments like these when I wish he weren’t a pastor. He’s so damn warm and kind. I’d probably have a serious crush if I weren’t convinced he wants to fix me. Just like the rest of my family does.
“I shouldn’t have brought it up in public,” he says. “You told me in confidence.”
Ah, yes. I told him on the beach at Livvy’s engagement party, when those beautiful dark eyes were turning my head to mush. I would have told him anything.
“It’s okay.” I wave a hand. “I’m sure my mom and dad already know, even if they’re in denial. It’s Sofia I’m really worried about.”
Brandon frowns. “‘I find that surprising.”
“She’s more sensitive than everyone else, and she and I… We haven’t been as close since she and Finn broke up.” I shoot him a knowing look. “I never liked him.”
Brandon smiles faintly. “I think maybe you were onto something with that guy.”
I huff out a laugh, glancing at the back of the auditorium to make sure Sofia is out of earshot. “Yeah, when he cheated on her a month before their wedding, I thought something might be a little off.”
He sets his hand on my shoulder, and a pleasant shiver rolls over my skin. He’s so close I can smell his musky cologne. “Sometimes we blame the person who saw it coming. We superstitiously feel like they caused it. But Sofia’s a reasonable person. She’ll let it go when the hurt wears off.”
“When?” In my frustration, my voice is louder than I intended. “It’s been almost three years. And I know what he did was absolutely devastating—leaving her and having a baby with someone else—but why is she still pining for him?” I shake my head. “I would have seduced one of his best friends, or maybe his dad, and then sent Finn the bill for all the lost wedding deposits.”
Brandon bursts into laughter, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you just said that in the house of God.”
I smile sheepishly, as he continues to laugh. Fuck, it feels so good when he looks at me this way. His austerely handsome face is so gentle when he’s delighted.
And his delight does strange things to my insides.
As his smile fades, his gaze lingers on my face. “Even if your relationship is strained, you’re still here with her.” His voice is hushed. “You’re here almost every week, even though you don’t believe in God. That’s real sisterly love.”
My throat grows tight. I wish she saw it that way, but to her, attending church should be a given for anyone. It isn’t a sign that I love her, that I’d do anything to make things right between us.
“Coming to this church isn’t that bad,” I say. “I love hearing you talk about the ancient world. It’s fascinating, and compared to other pastors, you don’t pretend like the Bible was written for a twenty-first century audience.”
“Thank you. That means a lot, especially coming from someone with a history degree. Our conversations are always...interesting, Mariana.”
My heart pounds in my chest. Oh, when he says my name with that hushed, pastor voice…
“Thank you,” I say. “I find them interesting too.”
And I find you delicious.
He steps closer to me, his eyes boring into mine. “You weren’t asking for guidance, but I know your lack of faith is a struggle, if only because of the awkward position it puts you in with your family. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. About anything.”
