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Finally, in a last desperate bid to shed the burdensome feelings, he’d decided to go for a run. At least the only people who knew him in town were the older folks, most of whom didn’t go out after dark, and almost all of whom were probably in bed if not asleep at the hour he chose to go out.
He looked up as the ghost from his past whom he’d bumped into said his name as though he were asking aquestion.
“Noah?”
Shit!The last person on the entire fucking planet that he had expected to see ever again in life was just sliding the big hands he had used to stop him from falling off Noah’s forearms. The places he had touched burned, as though he had acid on his hands. Noah was stunned into silence. What the hell should he say? Should he acknowledge that he recognized the man who was looking as gobsmacked as he felt? Or should he pretend he didn’t recognize him and keep running? Neither prospect thrilled him, but he was a grown-assed man now, not a wannabe of twenty-one. He didn’t run from his problems or his fears … well, not allof them.
“Professor Knox. What a surprise!” He may not be running from his problems, but he sure as hell didn’t have to face them head-on.
Noah didn’t look in the man’s face as he offered the greeting. He didn’t want to see how Jax—no matter what, he was still Jax to Noah in private—would react to being so formally addressed. Noah knew it was a slap in the face, but he wasn’t feeling stable enough to be less aloof right now. He needed a bit of space between himself and the man who had broken his heart ten years ago, the man he had never stopped loving.
“A pleasant one, I hope, Noah?”
Jax’s voice was pure sin … deep and dark, like sexy hellos and midnight love songs. Noah shivered in reaction to the sound sweeping over him. How the hell did this man still, after all this time, have such power over him? He felt mesmerized by the sound and had to shake himself to make aresponse.
“It’s been a long time, sir.”
Maybe if he kept denying that they were more than professor and student, he could get through this unexpected meeting, and then he’d never have to see theman again.
Jax sighed, and Noah knew he had hit a nerve. It hadn’t been his intention, but he would take it and run with it if it meant he could get away from Jax before he let all the words welling up inside him burst out like a torrent in a storm. He didn’t want to be the guy who laid bare his whole soul to the man who had sent him away when he was a junior in college, the man who had given Noah away to a different professor so they would never have to meet for lessons, the man who had told him that theywere over.
Noah knew why he had done it, and in the reasonable, logical, objective part of his brain, he knew Jax was right. He loved the man for wanting to protect him, for being willing to sacrifice his love for Noah’s safety. But the part of Noah who had loved Jax with his whole soul was still as angry and hurt in this moment as he had been when Jax had turned him away. He still wanted to punch his lights out, to rail at him, to ask him if that was what he thought love was. But this wasn’t the time … there would never be a time for that, if Noah had his way. With any luck, Jax would be leaving town in the morning, and they’d never have to see each other again. He ignored the pain that twisted in his chest at the thought, as though they had never been apart long enough for him to be used to Jax’s absence fromhis life.
Time had managed to cauterize the wound, and on the surface, it had healed. But now, ten years later, Noah had to face reality … it may be covered by layers of determination and control, but the wound still throbbed, it still ached, and it would most likely burst open again if he spent any more time in this man’s company. He couldn’t handle the pain a second time … but he didn’t want to let Jax walk away again withouta fight.
“How haveyou been?”
Jax’s question brought Noah out of his musing. A part of him wanted to be bitter. How the hell did Jax think he’d been? He’d had his heart handed to him by a worldly guy who’d probably gone on to conquer other young guys with his charm and sex appeal.
“I survived,” he said, and then wished he’d kept his mouth shut. He hoped that Jax would think he just meant the breakup, because there was no way he was going to talk about the accident. Not with anyone, and especially not with this man. He wasn’t ready to havethatconversation with anyone. He didn’t imagine he everwould be.
Silence greeted his words, and he looked up at last, taking in the man before him. Jackson Knox was maybe an inch over six feet tall, with hair as black as a raven’s wings, though there was a scattering of gray in amongst the black these days. He still wore the sexy scruff that he had steadfastly refused to call a goatee on his square chin, and he noted how it now also rode up the sides of his jaw. The beard also boasted a few strands of gray, and coupled with the sweet little mustache he now sported that grew in a thin line down to his chin scruff, he looked even hotter. His high cheekbones seemed more pronounced, making his face seem leaner and his nose straighter than before. Noah found his eyes drawn helplessly to Jax’s lips, the top one a thin bow that came to a sharp point in the middle, just enough to settle into the dent in the fuller bottom lip. Just looking at Jax’s mouth was making him as crazy now as it had done the first time he had seen itup close.
Fuck! I need to get a damn grip.Noah upbraided himself even as he licked his own lips in reaction. Jax had yet to respond to him. Time to get a move on. He needed to finish his run, now more than ever.
“You haven’t changed at all,have you?”
Jax’s words, coming on the heels of Noah’s own inspection of him, was almost comical. Clearly, they’d been looking each other over. He should be pleased that he still looked like the energetic twenty-something he had once been, but in addition to a broken heart, he was now also the bitter owner of an impaired limb and unable to play his violin for any length of time. Certainly not enough to handle the heavy demands of all-day rehearsals and endless performances that had made the last nine years of his life at once exhausting and exhilarating. His life had had meaning until six months ago.
“We all change, sir,” he said bitterly. “It’s just a fact of growing older.”
“You’re still as beautiful as ever, Noah,” Jax said, holdinghis gaze.
Noah shivered in reaction. Whenever Jax wanted him to know that he was being as honest as he knew how to be, he held his gaze when he spoke. As he was doing now. And how that little gem of knowledge made Noah’s heart skip a beat, even as his mind said “Whatever, man!” He shrugged a mentalshoulder.
“Thank you.” Noah still knew how to be polite, even in the worst of circumstances.
“Well, I’d best let you get going, huh? It was great runninginto you.”
“Same here. Maybe we’ll see each other again.”
What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t really want to see this man again, do I? After how we ended? After I ran away? After we never talked again?It seemed his heart was not on board with his brain’s demands.
“I’d like that. I’ll be here for a coupleof weeks.”
Noah’s heart thumped in his chest so hard he thought he might pass out from it. He nodded, because he couldn’t speak, and then turned and ran back the way he had come, sprinting as fast as he could to get away from the man who had managed to break him wide open again with just a few words. By the time he got back to the cottage his father had bought and where they had lived for as long as he could remember, Noah was exhausted. He locked the door after himself, patted his ancient German Shepherd on the head, and went to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. He swallowed it in a few thirsty gulps and threw the empty bottle in the recycling bin by the kitchen door.
Klinger clacked over to him as he made his way to the bathroom. The dog butted his hand as if to say, “One pat isn’t enough,” and Noah laughed as he stopped and gave the dog some loving. Klinger was a big dog, but he loved to roughhouse, despite his advanced years. Noah let the dog push him over and ply him with doggy kisses until he was laughing madly. Somehow, Klinger always seemed to know when Noah’s mood was blue, and he always came through with doggy therapy.
