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Five hours later and I’m still engrossed in this book. Not just any book–the damn dirtiest, filthiest smut. It has me blushing and giggling, even at times my mouth hangs open. He fucked her with the handle of a knife. Am I completely wired wrong for finding that even remotely hot?I’ve escaped reality and entered into a realm of sexual freedom. There’s no embarrassment here, no trauma. Now, I’m itching to get to the end, I can’t get to sleep until I know he groveled his ass off.
It has also reminded me of how much I have missed out on. I’ve never been kissed, not like the way Luca kissed me earlier. I’ve never so much as had an orgasm by a man. I’ve been so wrapped up in running from my demons, I have never lived.
I’ve never wanted it. I have certainly never craved it.
Until Luca.
A sadness creeps over me, and I close the book. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how much I can even handle without the fear consuming me again.
What if I have sex with Luca and Dante’s face flashes in my mind? What if he thinks I’m completely broken?
I curl up into a ball on the couch and pull the covers under my neck.
What if I really am?
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
rosa
Ipull the blanket up under my neck and snuggle into Luca’s bed. It’s so much comfier than the one he gave me. Well, that’s what I tell myself. In reality, it smells of him. It makes me feel safe.
He’s still not home, and it’s been days now.
I miss him.
Some of his men pop in and make sure I’m okay and restock the fridge for me. They don’t speak to me, they don’t even really look at me.
I toss and turn with my eyes closed, trying to get some sleep. Hoping my brain doesn’t take me there. Back into my inner hell.
But my thoughts instead are filled with worry for Luca. What if something happened to him?
Fuck it.
I slide out of bed and throw on my black robe and head downstairs. I’ll sleep when he’s home, when I know he’s safe.
When I enter the kitchen, I head straight for the fancy coffee machine, grabbing Luca’s black BOSS mug, which makes me grin.
The machine buzzes to life, and I jump up on the counter beside it and watch the coffee pour.
“I hope that coffee is for me, tesoro.” His deep voice makes my heart flutter.
“Luca!”
I slide off the counter and run to him. He grins and spreads his arms out wide as I crash into him. Wrapping my arms around his muscular frame, he crushes me against his body.
“Did you miss me?” he whispers.
“No.”
I keep my head nuzzled into his chest so he can’t see my smile.
“Liar,” he chuckles.“Well, I fucking missed you, Rosa.”
I turn my head up to face him. His hands lower down my back until he cups my ass, his eyes searching mine.
I bite my lower lip. “I missed you, bossman.”
Right now he looks every part the mafia boss. The tailored black suit and black tie. Except, now I know him better, I can see the dark tinge under his eyes, the way his hair is tousled from when he runs his fingers through it when he’s stressed.
