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“No. You don’t know. I get it, you have to save your family. You don’t have me to worry about. I’m sure I’ll survive. I did before. I know how to cope.”
His face pales as he takes in the meaning behind my words.
“Rosa, no. Don’t go back there, promise me.”
“How can I promise anything? Clearly, I have no control over my own life. Everyone has choices to make, right? You made yours, but didn’t care how it affected me.”
He rubs his hands over his face. “Fuck, Rosa. I’m so sorry.”
His face is twisted in pain, which just shatters my heart even further. It would be so much easier to be mad at him if he were a thoughtless asshole. But he’s not. He’s hurting, too.
There’s a knock at the door and my stomach sinks. “I’m going right now?”
He just stares at me, tears brimming his bloodshot eyes. He slowly nods.
This is really it.
It just hurts so much knowing he’s fighting for the right reasons, but I’m not one of them. I never wanted this to end. I stupidly thought I could be happy for once.
Luca was my happy place. I’ll never forget what he has done for me, so for that, I wipe away a tear and step into him, hugging my arms around his waist.
He pauses before his arms envelop me, and he pulls me even tighter against him. I inhale his manly scent for the last time.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you. I will always be grateful to you for saving me. I shouldn’t have said that,” I whisper.
A fresh wave of tears threatens, but I won’t break down. Not until I’m on my own again.
“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry for breaking us. I’m going to miss you so fucking much, tesoro.”
I nod against him. I fear if I speak, I will shatter.
“You’re taking my heart with you, okay?”
I feel the words rumble from his chest, and I wish I could meld myself with him and remain living in this moment. This is the first place I’ve ever felt home. The first time I’ve experienced love.
When I leave here, I will be leaving my heart here with him, too.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE
luca
“Why can’t I ever just be happy, Luca?”
I wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb. I don’t have the answers for her. I often think the same fucking thing.
Another loud knock comes from the door.
“You will be. Now is the start of a new life for you, baby. Take it with both hands.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat at what her ‘happy’ might look like. The fact she could find a man, create a family, all without me.
“One last kiss?” My voice shakes.
She wraps her hands around me and squeezes. “No.”
“Please, Rosa. Don’t make me beg.” I’m desperate to have one last taste of heaven before I get sent to hell.
She lifts her head and pouts. “Make it last a lifetime.”
I cup her face and claim her lips for the last time. I kiss her until there is no air left in my lungs. Hoping she understands just how much she means to me, I know it’s already fueling my resolve to get her back.
