AllFreeNovel
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“Sunglasses. It means his eyes are probably too close together.”
“It could just be sunny.”
“Look at his other photos.”
We check them out.
“Told you,” she says.
“I can’t do this,” I tell her helplessly. “He might be the loveliest guy in the world. If someone only checks out my photo, they’re going to find all sorts of things wrong with me.”
“They won’t because you’re perfect.”
“I’m not—my mouth is too wide, and my front teeth are too big. I look like Bugs Bunny.”
She starts laughing. “You really don’t.”
I blow out a breath. “I think I’ll do this later. I want to take time to read their bios as well. It’s not fair to choose just on looks.”
“You do whatever makes you feel comfortable,” she says. “As long as you tell me all about the dates in great detail.”
“Dates? Plural?”
“Well, sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs…”
“Jeez. I don’t want to think about the fact that I might have to go through this more than once. I just want to meet a nice guy, go back to his room, and… you know…”
“Have him shag you senseless?”
“Um, yeah. It’s not much to ask.”
“I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble finding someone who’s willing to fill the role. Your only issue is whether you’re going to feel comfortable enough taking your clothes off with them.”
I blink at the thought of stripping off with a stranger. “Eek! I can’t even think about that. I might wear a skirt and go commando and just ask him to get it over with.”
She tries not to laugh, and fails. “Aw, Alice. Sex is such fun with the right person. You want someone gorgeous who’s going to make your heart race, a guy who knows his way around the bedroom, and who’s going to take his time to make it good for you.”
“Eventually,” I say, “that’s definitely my goal. But this first time, even if he only knows to put tab A into slot B, I’ll be happy.”
“I dunno. Slot C is pretty good. And D can be a lot of fun providing you have plenty of lube.”
“Oh my God.” I blush, and she giggles.
“Well, good luck,” she says, tucking into her chicken salad. “And don’t forget, if you don’t get a date this evening, you’re welcome to come to the party at my place.”
“Okay.” It’s lovely of her to offer, but we both know I’d never go. For a start, everyone there is going to be twenty or twenty-one. And I don’t do parties. My idea of a great night is a new fantasy book, a gin and tonic, and a box of Jaffa Cakes.
God, I sound old.
We finish our lunches, exchange a hug, and then head off, Charlie to the house she shares with three other girls to get ready for her party, and me to the cheap hotel in Cuba Street with the room the size of a broom closet. I’m hoping that if I do connect with a guy, we’ll be able to go back to his place. Although I guess that if we come here, we’d only be using the bed, so it doesn’t matter that you can’t turn around in the bathroom without banging your elbow on the door.
Once I’m in, I take off my jacket and shoes, flop back on the bed, retrieve my phone, and bring up the Tinder app. Okay. Time to do some serious swiping.
When I originally decided I wanted to do this, it took me a couple of months to pluck up the courage. I knew I didn’t want my first hookup to be near where I lived. It has to be with a stranger that I had no chance of bumping into again, because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be terrible at it. But it means I’ve thought about it for a long time. It’s not an idea I came out with yesterday. I really want to do this.
With that in mind, I’m determined to be honest with myself. Even though I joked that all I need is for the guy to know to put tab A into slot B, realistically there’s no chance of me going through with this unless we have some kind of connection.
So now I’m on my own, I read each bio as I slowly work my way through the guys that Tinder is offering me. I know what I’m looking for. He has to have a sense of humor. He’s got to be genuine, nice, for want of a better word. And I’d like him to either enjoy reading or be into sci-fi and fantasy, because it will give us something to talk about. I need someone like me, really, a bit nerdy, but hopefully with a twinkle in his eye that suggests he’s going to enjoy showing me the ropes.
