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Apart from hopefully having sex? I clear my throat. “I thought I might go to the cinema and treat myself to a meal out.”

“Oh, okay. Have a lovely time, sweetheart. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.”

I stare at the screen as a notification pops up.Mark sent you a new message. Oh, holy shit.

“Take care, and you know where I am,” I tell her.

She waves. “Speak soon!” And she ends the call.

I tap the notification. It opens in the Tinder app, and there it is. A message from Mark.

Mark:Hi

Okay, so not a lot to go on. He couldn’t even be bothered to use any punctuation. Kids today…

My heart in my mouth, I reply with:Hello!

Mark:Sup

Me:Not much! I’ve been hanging out with my sister. She’s at Vic. What are you up to?

Mark:Work

Me:I see you’re a dentist!

Mark:Assistant yeah

Me:That must be interesting?

Mark:It’s okay

Me:You play WoW, right?

Mark:Yeah

Me:What class do you play?

Mark:Troll warrior

Me:Ooh, Horde? The enemy, LOL. I play a human paladin healer.

Mark:Okay

Jesus, this guy’s hard work.

Me:You have a dog in one of your photos. Is it yours?

Mark:No

Fuck me. I decide to take the bull by somewhere even more aggressive than his horns.

Me:Look, I’m new to Tinder. Do you normally chat for a while? Or would you prefer to meet up?

I wait for him to reply.

Ten minutes goes by.

I know he’s at work, so maybe he’s in the middle of an appointment or something? While I wait, I ring room service and ask for a latte to be sent up with a piece of chocolate cheesecake. Then I watch half an hour of a ridiculous game show on the TV.

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