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“I’m not going to stop saying nice things to you, Alice. You’ll have to get used to it.”
I don’t reply, not sure how I feel about that.
“You want kids?” he asks.
“We’ve been on one date, Kip.”
“I meant generally.”
“Oh. I… don’t know. I try not to think about the future too much. I don’t know whether it’s even a possibility for me yet. The life expectancy of people with M.S. is five to ten years lower than average, but Mum’s only fifty, and…” I trail off, feeling guilty for even thinking about it.
“I understand,” he says softly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s okay. It’s just… I know what it must sound like, as if I’m some kind of martyr. I don’t mean to be like that. And when Charlie’s qualified, and she’s home sharing the care, maybe I’ll be able to get out and about a bit. I’m just conscious that Mum isn’t going to get any better. She’s only going to need more looking after. And so I can’t make plans.”
“I know.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…”
“I know, Alice. It’s okay. I’m just glad we can be friends. I like you, and I enjoy talking to you. You make me smile, and that’s not a small thing in this world.”
“No, that’s true.”
“So what are you going to talk about tomorrow on your AMA?”
There’s a soft knock at the door, and I say, “Come in.” The door opens, and Charlie enters.
“It’s just Charlie,” I say.
“Tell her hey,” he replies.
“Kip says stop smirking,” I tell her.
She laughs and deposits a glass of wine on my desk, then bends closer and says, “Hey, Kip.”
“Hey, Charlie,” he calls, and she smiles as she hears him.
“She’s brought me a glass of wine,” I tell him.
She blows me a kiss and goes out again. I smile and have a sip, and then tell Kip about the AMA, while outside the sky slowly darkens, a lone star sparkling like a Christmas wish.
*
The next morning, I help Mum get dressed and do her hair for her, and then Charlie offers to take her for a walk to the shops while I get to work. The two of them head out, and I make myself a coffee, then take it into the studio.
At least today I’m typing, not speaking, but I’m still nervous. My success with Wonderland so far has surprised me, and it seems to be getting bigger. I didn’t expect it at all. I’ve always loved reading, but it was only when I was confined to the house when Mum fell ill that I started to write reviews and share them online. I was totally surprised when I started to get feedback, and even more surprised when I emailed a well-known Kiwi author that I loved to ask whether I could interview her, and she said yes. That was the start of Wonderland, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it ever since.
I bring up Reddit, and the IamA subreddit, get myself ready and comfortable, introduce myself with the bio I’ve prepared as it strikes ten, then wait for any questions.
I imagine this is a bit like a book signing, when an author is terrified that nobody is going to show up. I sit nervously as questions begin to trickle through and start answering.
Half an hour later, my fingers can’t keep up with the flood of questions, and my heart is racing as my fingers fly over the keyboard. People are asking about the interviews I’ve done, the books I’ve reviewed, and recommending ones they’ve read themselves. Several threads evolve into long discussions about various books, with readers arguing amongst themselves about which stories are the best. And all the time, readers throw compliments at me, about how much they enjoy Wonderland, and giving me ideas for future podcasts.
Then I spot it. The question says: Hey Alice! Love your podcast. I’m startingNeuromancertoday. Thanks for the recommendation :-)
The username is KnightsInWhiteSatin. Isn’t the French for knight Chevalier?
Smiling, I reply:I hope you enjoy it! You can tell me what you think later!
