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I wonder whether Belle ever resented Gaby because Tom left her alone? I know Belle loves her, but equally they’re not as close as some sisters I’ve seen. I wonder also how it affected Gaby. Is it one reason why she’s stood by Tyson? Because she felt she couldn’t help her sister? Who knows. It’s clear that it’s obviously screwed over the whole family.
Oh, Belle. I think of her at the age of twelve, quiet and unsure, shy and yet already beautiful, and white-hot anger boils in my stomach at the thought of what happened to her.
“Anyway,” Alex continues, “Tom got life, and had to serve ten years before he was eligible for parole. But he’s out next year.”
“Does she know?”
“No. I haven’t mentioned it. She refuses to talk about it. I’m guessing she hasn’t told you?”
I give an abrupt shake of my head.
“I don’t know if he’ll live in Wellington,” he says. “I’ll do my best to find out. I have contacts. But it’s possible she might see him around. And I thought you should understand what she’s been through, and what an effect it all might have on her.” He doesn’t addin case it makes you change your mind about her, but I know he’s thinking it.
We sit quietly for a while.
Eventually, I say, my voice little more than a squeak, “What did the abuse involve?” Even as I say it, though, I know it doesn’t really matter. She was twelve, and whatever he did would have had a profound effect on her.
“I don’t know exactly what happened,” he replies. “She’s never spoken about it to me or Gaby. And Kaitlyn won’t discuss it with me either. I only found out because I was still living with Dad when it all blew up, and when the police came around.” His brow darkens. “Our family doesn’t talk about stuff. It completely fucked us all up. Dad blames Kait, and she blames herself, too, enough so that she didn’t tell us that Dad was the one who cheated first. I blame myself for staying in Wellington when I should have gone back to Christchurch to be there for her.”
“Ah,” I say, finally realizing why he’s the way he is—withdrawn, quiet, and grumpy most of the time. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah, well, I was eighteen and frustrated as hell because nobody would talk about it. I couldn’t deal with it, and I just wanted to get away from it all. But I felt bad about it, and I’ve always tried to look out for Belle ever since.”
It explains why he’s been so protective of her. I would have been too, if I’d been in his shoes.
“Look,” he says, “I know she’ll be angry with me for telling you, but you’re my best mate, and I didn’t want you to go into the relationship blind. I thought you should know. She’d hate me for saying it, but she needs protecting.”
I nod. “Thanks.” His brows draw together—he can obviously see how upset I am. “I mean it,” I tell him with more feeling. “I’m glad I know.”
Kaitlyn’s comment to Belle that girls shouldn’t think about sex makes more sense now. She must have been terrified about the effect Tom had had on her daughter, and she was trying to keep her safe. Unfortunately, all it did was make things worse. Now I realize why Belle was so confused about sex, and why she felt that enjoying it was wrong.
Ah, God. I put my head in my hands as I think about what I’ve done. Talking to her on the ferry and in the car about the most intimate things. Shoving my hands down the front of her jeans without a touch of romance, and making her come—me, an almost-stranger. I bought her a vibrator and made her use it while she told me in detail what she was doing—on the phone, for Christ’s sake. She actually told me a couple of weeks ago when we were in Sydney that I’ve turned her into a nymphomaniac. She was joking, I know—she just meant that we’ve been having a lot of sex, and she’s been looking forward to it. But even so…
“Oh holy shit,” I mutter, pressing the heel of my hands into my eyes. “What have I done?”
“What do you mean?” Alex asks.
“Ah… jeez…”
“Damon…”
“I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Do you want to break up with her?”
I lower my hands and stare at him in surprise. “No, of course not. I love her, man.”
He stares back. Then, out of the blue, he smiles. It’s so unusual that it lights up his whole face. “Okay, then.”
“It’s just… I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have… I mean I’d have been more…”
“Juliette told me some of it,” he says. He meets my eyes with a kind of exasperated amusement. I wince, thinking about that night in the Jag. “I’m still Belle’s brother,” he adds wryly, “so let’s not discuss the details. But I think you’ve helped her, not hindered her. She’s like a different girl now. Juliette said Belle’s crazy about you. I knew that, obviously. She’s always liked you. And I think you’re good for her. So I guess the reason I came today was because I want the two of you to work out. And I don’t believe in secrets in a relationship. I didn’t think Belle would tell you, and I thought you should know. I hope I haven’t done the wrong thing. She’s going to be mad at me.” He gives me a look that saysWomen… what can you do?
I feel warm all the way through. He wants the two of us to work out. He doesn’t mind that I’m with her.
It doesn’t assuage my guilt. I need to talk to her about it. But it does make me more hopeful about the outcome.
“So you’re not going to walk away?” he asks.
