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“With the job? Nothing at all. With me? Everything that matters.”
She rubs my shoulder. “It sounds like this is the springboard you need to get out of this mess, Lily.”
“What do you mean?”
“That the universe may be sending you a sign. Cormac isn’t the only future available to you. I don’t say this lightly. I know how much you love him. But it might be time to officially break things off with him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Me either. All I’m saying is, this feels like one of those moments when fate shuts a door and opens a window. It’s up to you to climb through the window or keep banging on that door.”
Drumming my fingers on the bar top, I wonder aloud, “Can’t I just stick my fingers in my ears and say la, la, la, while fate decides for me?”
She smiles. “You could. But that’s never been who you are, Lily.”
I hate that she’s right.
34
Cormac
Turning the wheel on the car is a challenge. My hands are too sweaty to grip it properly when I angle into the parking space at Hydrangea. It’s a downtown restaurant that serves nice enough food that I don’t feel bad meeting Lily there, but not so nice that I worry about seeing any of Abigail’s friends. They all know what went down, and I am not ready to deal with their judgement and snide comments.
The storefront is all glass, and I don’t see her inside, which is why I arrived twenty minutes early. I need time to think. Going in, I give my name and the hostess seats me. But when the server asks what to drink, my mind goes blank. She smiles kindly. “Something from the bar?”
“Water, thanks.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Waiting on the water, I take in the surroundings. Dark red tile floors, white table clothes, and a corner view of Main Street with low lighting. Nothing too fancy and none of Abigail’s friends. Thank God.
The water comes and I drink half while perusing the menu, as though I could eat something right now. Maybe something to settle my stomach…I settle on bread and consommé, in hopes that will do the trick. But I’m not sure if it’s wise.
Given Lily’s tone, I think she’s going to dump me. Given what has transpired, I’m not even sure if that’s a bad thing. Other than the soul-gnawing ache in my chest.
When she walks in, my heart leaps into my throat. I want to tell her we aren’t over, but as she walks to me with that tentative, lip-biting nervous energy, I can’t say the words. I don’t want to make this hard on her.
Her little blue dressismaking it hard on me, however. I can’t recall if I’d ever seen her in this.
She gives me a brief hug before sitting down. The server takes her order, and it’s black coffee. That’s the first sign that something is wrong.
“So…” she says, cutting my thoughts in two.
I sigh. “So.”
“How is everything?”
“I want to get this out of the way first. Abigail doesn’t want you around the kids anymore.”
She gulps and her lips wriggle tightly, like she’s fighting back tears. It makes the ache in my chest burn hot. She mutters, “I thought something like that might be coming.”
“I’m sorry, Lily. I’m working on her.”
Her coffee comes and she orders a green salad. Something to pick at while she figures out what to do? Or something to make it look like she’s eating. Hard to say.
After the server leaves, she shakes her head. “Abigail is their mother, Cormac. I don’t blame her for hating me. I’d expected her to after she found out about us.”
“It’s not fair,” I blurt with too much volume. A nearby couple glances our way, so I tone it down. “It’s not. I was just as much to blame—
