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I nodded and swiped at my cheeks. “I think I’ve had enough for today,” I rasped.
She tore off a script from her prescription pad and handed it to me. I folded it and stuck it in my pocket. “Start those tonight,” she ordered. “And try to take them at the same time.”
“I will.” I stood. “Thank you for seeing me.”
“Thank you for coming to me, Sterling. That takes real strength.”
I nodded and left. After dropping off my prescription at the pharmacy on campus, I walked a few laps around the building, waiting for it to be filled, too worked up to sit still. And once I’d gone through the new medication consultation with the pharmacist on staff and had my pills in my pocket, I parked my car in the parking garage and began the walk to the hockey arena.
Graham would be at practice, and while I knew he couldn’t actually be with me, I could still be close to him. And right then, I needed Graham any way I could have him.
Graham
I pushed the puck across the ice to Dash, who quickly sent it sailing into the net. Coach blew his whistle, shouting something at our defense.
“Hey, your boy is here,” Collin said as he skated past me.
Immediately, I looked up into the bleachers, and sure enough, Sterling was sitting right behind the plexiglass, his hood pulled up on his jacket. His head was bent forward, no doubt asleep. My heart ached for him. I knew today wasn’t a good day for him, and I wanted nothing more than to say fuck practice and take him back to our dorm so I could cuddle in bed with him.
But then he’d be angry with me for skipping out on practice. And I couldn’t stand it when Sterling was upset with me. It felt like the world was ending when he was.
“Graham!” Coach barked. I wanted to bare my teeth at him for yelling when my boyfriend was finally getting some fucking rest, but I bit back my anger. “Focus,” he snapped at me.
I nodded once. “Sorry, Coach.” I quickly got into position to begin the next drill, forcing myself to focus on practice and block out everything else, even if it wasn’t easy. But if I wanted to give Sterling the future he deserved, then I needed to put my all into this sport.
Even if it made me feel like I was neglecting him in the process.
Darren didn’t say a word to me at all during practice except for plays and to get my attention, but only when it was absolutely necessary. I also knew he’d spotted Sterling, but he’d just quickly looked away, not saying a word on that either.
Maybe Mr. Hardison finally put the fear of God into that asshole.
I quickly showered and changed, probably the fastest I ever had in my life, and then rushed out of the locker room to go wake up Sterling. I’d come up with an idea during practice, and I was hoping he’d like it. It would be cold, but it would also be dark and peaceful, which I knew Sterling craved. Especially after last night. I had no doubt he’d been trapped in a bright ass room in that violent memory.
Too much light really bothered him now because of it. It was a miracle he ever came into the arena to watch me practice or to see any of my games. On his really bad days, he wore shades in the arena. One of the guys had made fun of him once, but when I knocked his ass down on the ice for it, he didn’t make that mistake again.
I set my gym bag down and gently shook Sterling’s shoulder. He groaned and swatted at me, making me chuckle. God, he was so fucking adorable. “Sterling, come on. Practice is over,” I told him.
He slowly cracked open one eye. “It’s already that late?” he muttered.
I nodded. “Come on. Get up. Let’s go for a drive.”
He slowly sat up and stretched before standing to his feet. I picked up my bag, and Sterling grabbed my other hand in his, linking our fingers together. “How did therapy go?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “It was therapy.” That was Sterling’s code for: it wasn’t miserable but it sucked. “I told her about my flashback, and we kind of worked through part of it. I’m also trying a new med.” He blew out a soft breath, his hand tightening around me. “I asked for it this time.”
I knew how bad it had to be if Sterling willingly asked to try another medication. And I hated that I couldn’t take away all the horror that had happened to him and make it my own. I hated it with a fucking passion because I couldn’tstandthe knowledge that my boyfriend was suffering.
Trauma was a fucking bitch. And I wished the man who did this to him was dead. I wished it with every fiber of my being.
“I hope it works,” I told him.
He nodded, staring at the ground. “Me, too, Graham.”
Sterling ended up falling asleep in the passenger seat on the way to the cliffs. When it was warm, it was normally a make-out spot for a lot of couples—and hookups—but now that the weather was cold, it was empty. Which was just what Sterling needed.
“Why are we stopping?” Sterling groaned, lifting his head from the window. He blinked at the view in front of us before his breath slowly left him. “Wow,” he breathed. He quickly pushed open the door faster than I thought his half-asleep self could do and got out, closing it behind him. I scrambled to follow him. “Graham, this is… I don’t have words.”
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my hoodie when a breeze blew. I could smell the salt from the ocean right below. The waves were crashing against the rock wall in repetitive, soothing motions, and across the water, the rest of the city we lived in was visible. The lights lit up the sky in a beautiful array of colors.
