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“He’s changed me too.” The words leave my lips on a broken whisper before I heave myself off the ledge and into the pool.
Water sloshes around me as I sink to the bottom and push off to resurface again. When I do, I’m glad to see Emmanuel has taken a seat near the window, phone in hand as he goes back to ignoring me.
For a minute, I can almost forget he’s there as I float on my back and stare up at the moon. It’s beautiful tonight, and I didn’t realize until now how much I’ve missed moon bathing at night. But regardless of my earlier protests, I’m secretly grateful for Emmanuel’s presence so I can swim in peace without worrying about every little noise outside.
I glide around the pool, propelling myself along with my arms and legs until I’ve burned off some of the restless energy I’ve been harboring. Then I just stay there, floating like driftwood in the water, the buoyancy calming my nerves like nothing else can. It’s strange how I feel so at peace with an element that brought me so much terror.
But it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work to keep coming back to the water, rebuilding my associations with it after Caleb. And now that I have, I never want to lose it.
The moment I hear a splash, though, it immediately sends me into that same flight or freeze response. When I lift my head from the water, I’m surprised to find Azrael staring back at me. I didn’t even hear him come in, and when I glance at the bench, Emmanuel is gone.
“What are you doing?” My eyes rove over Azrael’s near-naked body. He stripped down to his briefs, leaving his clothes stacked beside the pool.
“Joining my wife,” he answers.
“Azrael—” My protest is cut short as he pulls me closer, pivoting our bodies until my legs are wrapped around his waist while he holds me up with his arms.
“How is this?” His eyes move over mine in question.
He isn’t just asking if I’m comfortable. He’s giving me time to process this fear that always lives inside of me. The fear of being out of control in the water. He wants me to trust him, to understand that he has no intention of taking that control from me right now. Logically, I know this. But my body still needs time to adjust. He gives me that without forcing me to acknowledge his question.
After a couple of minutes, my heartbeat slows, and I settle into the feeling of me wrapped around his body. We’re weightless together. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s the way he makes me feel, like if I let him, he could harbor me forever in his arms.
“Good?” Azrael’s lips brush against mine, and heat sparks in my belly.
It feels like it’s been so long since he kissed me. The last time had been before Caleb took me. He hasn’t tried while my face has been healing. He hasn’t pushed for anything, but I can feel how hard he is for me now.
“Good,” I croak.
He groans as he deepens the kiss, and I part my lips for him. I don’t even know if it’s a conscious choice anymore. I just know that as complicated as my feelings are for Azrael, this part is simple. It’s the simplest thing in the world to admit that I want him.
His palms slide over the back of my thighs, dragging me closer as I reach up, and my fingers find their way into his hair. He rumbles his approval as the chaotic energy between us returns with a vengeance.
“Azrael,” I choke out his name as I grind against him.
“I know,” he growls. “Fuck, I need to be inside of you. Tell me you want it too.”
I can’t give voice to the words inside my head. Because telling him that he’s already inside of me in ways he doesn’t fully realize feels too vulnerable. So, I show him instead.
My hand drifts between us, fingers grazing the hard length of his erection through the wet material of his briefs. He closes his eyes, shuddering, and I want to play that visual on repeat for the rest of my life. To see this powerful man come undone for me. To be the one to bring him to his knees.
I want it, and how much I want it scares me.
When I slip my hand beneath the band of his briefs to stroke his cock, he’s gone for me completely. I can’t look away when he opens his eyes, and they collide with mine. We get lost in each other, hands groping, water sloshing around us, our hearts beating a staccato rhythm together as he presses his chest to mine.
He gets the strings of my bikini undone and presses my back against the side of the pool, using it for leverage as he lifts my hips.
