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But I also understood her side. The girl longed to be a mother. I saw the look in her eyes when she talked about her work. She was passionate for sure, but she yearned for that experience herself.
“Had she always wanted to be a mom?” The question was random, especially coming from me, but I couldn't help but want to know more about her. There was something about her that intrigued me.
“It’s all she ever wanted. She only went to college to appease her dad. But she always knew that being a stay-at-home mom was all she ever wanted. She wanted the full dream. White picket fence, carpool, and yearly family vacations.”
It suited her. That life she so desperately yearned for. It was who she was without a doubt in her mind.
“She’s gone now, in any case. I don’t know where she is. But when I stopped by her house, I found it empty. Mama Gertrude, the woman next door, said she moved out months ago.”
So, he didn’t know where she was.
It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him that she was now my new neighbor and she was in Chicago, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. She would have told him if she had wanted him to know where she was.
“Okay,” he breathed out a heavy sigh. “Enough about my failed love life. I called to tell you that Dad wants you home for the holidays. Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks.”
“No.” My response was immediate. “You know I don’t want to return to Braven Bay, and besides, Dad hates the holidays. Why the sudden change of heart?”
“He said that he had something to tell you.”
“Then he can call me. I don’t want to set foot in that place ever again. I told both of you when I left, and I’m telling you now; I’m done with Braven Bay.”
“It’s your home, Nate.”
“Chicago is my home now.” My tone left no room for discussion. “Look, I just got off a long shift and need to rest. Tell Dad I’m sorry, but I can’t. He has my number, and he knows where I live. If he needs a plane ticket, I can get it for him. But I’m not coming back to Braven Bay. Not now or ever.”
“Fine,” he clipped. “But just call him when you get the chance. He…wants to hear your voice.”
We hung up the call, and I leaned back against the headrest.
My father and I have had a somewhat strained relationship since my mother's passing. He said he didn’t blame me for the accident. But I knew that deep down, he did. It was how he would look at me at times. I saw it in his eyes.
‘It should have been you.’
He had never outright said it to me, but I knew he thought it. If he could, he would have traded my life for hers. But I didn’t blame him. He was right. I would have changed my life for hers too.
With that last thought, I revved my car to life and headed home.
10
AMELIA
My lungs complained as I completed the last few blocks. I had pushed my legs much harder than I had been anticipating. But I needed to clear my head. Today was one of those bad days that I was having.
But to be fair, I had done it to myself. I was the one who had gone digging into his social media.
Yes, I had caved and stalked my ex on social media. The man was living it up completely and utterly fine without me. I didn’t know how to feel about that. On the one hand, it hurt like hell; on the other, I had this sadness that I couldn’t fully hold.
Jacob was smiling like he was actually smiling. The kind that reached your eyes and everything. It got me thinking that I may have been the cause. Maybe there had been some absolute truth to his words, and I had been the cause of him being so unhappy in his life.
Jacob had been my entire world. He was my whole existence. His presence alone made me happy. It hurt me that I was the one thing sucking away his happiness.
I pushed my legs harder, trying to run from the voices of the past, but they just kept getting louder and louder.
I could feel the sting behind my eyes. Besides that, all I felt was this overwhelming pain in the center of my chest.
I came to a grinding halt at the entrance of my building and doubled over with my hands on my knees and my chest heaving heavily.
I needed to leave the past in the past. It was behind me. I was a different person now, and so was he. It didn’t matter if he was happier without me. I was more comfortable without him. For the first time in a long time, I was choosing myself.
