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Someone raps on the glass of the sliding door. Mattie and I turn our faces in that direction. Mrs. Taylor and Colin stand on the threshold.
Mrs. Taylor wears a sympathetic expression. “Doris said we’d find you here.” She holds out a basket with wine, fruit, and biltong. “I brought some nibbles to see you through between meals. I also wanted to ask if you need help with anything, maybe with the catering for the funeral?”
Mattie moves the blanket aside and stands. “That’s very kind of you, Mrs. Taylor.” She takes the basket. “Mom will be happy to see you.” Leading Mrs. Taylor into the house, she asks, “Would you like a cup of tea?”
Colin walks over, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I’m sorry. We should be offering to make you a cup of tea.”
I try to smile, motioning at my untouched tea on the table. “I already have one.”
“Care for some company?” he asks with a compassionate smile.
“Sure.”
He sits down next to me. “I saw the news.”
“Yeah. Quite the scandal.”
“I hate that you’re going through this.”
“Thanks.” What else can I say?
“I just want you to know that I’m here for you, Bella, and that I’ll never judge you, no matter what happens.”
“I know.” Shifting closer, I borrow some of his warmth. “What would I do without you?”
He shivers. “It’s cold out here.”
I shrug. “I needed some space.”
“From people? I can go if—”
“From me.”
He catches my chin and turns my face to him. “You’re not blaming yourself for any of what happened?”
Pulling free, I jump up and escape to the garden.
Colin’s steps crunch on the gravel path behind me. “Bella?”
The breeze blows my hair into my face. “Maybe I am.” I drag my hands over my hair and grab the strands in a ponytail at the base of my neck. “I should’ve realized what Dad was up to. There were signs. Many signs. Like at Brad’s name giving party. Dad was talking to someone on the phone, and he cut the call short when I approached. Come to think of it, he did that often. He was in such a rush to get back to George from Cape Town, he couldn’t even enjoy the family gathering. He couldn’t make the time to take me to the aquarium. When he got here, he left straight away. He dropped us off, and after seeing us home safely, he left to spend time with them, his other family. I should’ve realized then, but I didn’t. I should’ve realized at Ryan’s birthday and at all the other gatherings where my dad was distant and more on his phone than with us.”
Colin grips my shoulder and turns me around. “It wasn’t your duty to question your father or to mistrust his motives. It wasn’t your duty to uncover the truth. The obligation to be honest was your father’s alone.”
If only he knew. “I’m not a good person, Colin.”
He pulls me into a hug. “Nobody is perfect. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The best thing for you right now is a good dose of self-love.”
I wish I could tell him what happened in the cave. I wish I could confide in someone. I want to open my mouth and let this storm out of my chest, but not even the psychiatrist can know what truly happened.
Mattie was right when she said I’m just like Dad. Am I not keeping secrets from the world too, secrets that will destroy my family if they find out? How will Mom and Mattie and Ryan react if they know I slept with Angelo in a drunken state on my eighteenth birthday and worse, after his father killed mine? They’ll see me for the pathetic traitor I am.
“Come on.” Colin releases me. “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer.”
He makes his way back to the house. I hover on the edge of the lawn, reluctant to abandon the freedom of the open space for the prison of the house. At least I can breathe here.
My gaze is drawn to the cave on the beach. The man who stands at the edge of the water makes a gasp catch in my throat. He’s too tall, too large, too present. Too deeply under my skin.
He stands with a proud stance, his hands shoved in his pockets. He’s nothing but a black outline in the dusk. However, when I rest my gaze on the shadow of his face, I can swear he’s staring straight back at me. When he turns and strides toward the lagoon, I sense his smile. The worst? After everything he’s done, as he walks away, he takes a piece of me with him.
