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I rip my eyes from his stare and give my mom probably the blandest smile ever. “Just peachy, Mom. Hey, do you mind if I borrow the Jeep again? Landy asked if I could be at the studio this morning.”
She smiles, but it’s strained as her eyes still bounce between Luca and I. “Sure, baby. Carson and I are heading a few towns over to do some shopping, but we’re taking the Mercedes.”
“Shopping for what?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. Mom is notorious for online shopping. She’s practically downloaded every home shopping app in existence if only because she’s lazy.
A real smile brightens her face now, reminding me just how stunning my mom really is and how utterly happy she seems. “I wanted to tell you later on tonight, but you caught me.” She glides into the room and out of the corner of my eye, I see Luca attempting to slip away.
“Luca this involves you, too,” she calls out before he can round the corner. I smirk as he reluctantly turns back around and leans against the wall with his arms crossed. He sneers at me while she’s not looking. I have the most childish urge to stick my tongue out.
“So!” She claps her dainty, ring-clad hands together. “As you know, the wedding is set for two months from now.” We both nod absently. “We decided an engagement party was in order. Carson really wants us to meet his friends down at the country club and I think it’s a great idea.” She’s beaming while I feel my spirits take a gigantic nosedive. “We'll be having it at the club next Saturday and we expect both of you there.”
“That’s some seriously short notice, Mom,” I complain. “I’ll have to speak with Landy. Saturdays are busy at the studio.” Not that I didn’t want to support my mom, but I also didn’t want to jeopardize my new job so soon.
Mom frowns. “I’m sure she can make an exception for your own mother’s engagement party, Nor.” She wipes the frown from her face, moving on. “You can bring guests if you’d like, but just a few please. Also, we’d really appreciate your help with the planning and whatnot.”
She continues to blather on and on about this and that—who goes where and helps with what, meanwhile I just want to sink into the floor and disappear. This is all happening so quickly and I don’t know how to feel. On the one hand, I can honestly say I’ve never seen Mom so excited and glowing before. She’s always been the one in the background taking care of everyone else but herself. I know I’m being dumb and childish about it all, and I have a feeling the reason for that is Luca’s connection to Carson, even if it isn’t blood. Something about it just feels too binding.
After enduring Mom's endless monologue, I excuse myself and head to my room to get ready for dance. Luca disappears to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him like some sort of petulant child, but I ignore it. If he wants to be a raging dick then so be it. There’s no rule that says we have to interact with each other just because we live under the same roof.
* * *
“Your incredibly comfortablebed misses you, baby girl,” Jax teases. It’s so soothing to hear his voice even over the phone after the week I’ve had. “All you have to do is fly on back and things can be normal again…”
I clench the phone between my cheek and shoulder as I attempt to shove my legs into some tight, gray leggings. I stagger and drop the phone. “Shit!” I curse as I slip my leg through and grapple with the offensive device.
“You dropped me, didn't you? That hurts, you know.” He laughs and I just groan. I’ve never been the most coordinated person, regardless of the fact that I’ve been a dancer for most of my life. Walking and dancing are two entirely separate activities.
“Did not…” I grumble. “Back to the point. What do you mean my bed misses me? Please tell me you haven’t kept my room for me, Jax.” My stomach clenches with unease. The other side of the line is silent. “Jax, c’mon. You have to get rid of all that crap. I’m not coming back to New York. This is unhealthy.” The thought of him waiting on me makes me want to throw up. The way we left things still hangs heavily between us and my longing for his soft smiles grows stronger daily.
He justtsks. “It’s not like I have a shrine for you or anything, geez. But I did move into your badass suite. So, I guess you can have that picture in your head when you fall asleep at night…your sexy as fuck best friend, sleeping naked in your bed, all alone…”
Smacking my forehead with my hand, I drag my hand down my face, but I can’t stop the wistful smile that stretches my lips. I’ve missed Jax so much, and his easy banter just sends pangs of longing straight through to my heart. “I miss you, you fool,” I whisper into the phone and it goes silent for another second. “Jax, we need to talk about what happened before I left.”
The silence continues. I can tell he's still there, but now that I've dropped the bomb, it's like all the humor of the situation flies out the window. But it needs to be talked about. We left things in such an awkward and unfinished spot and it continues to nag at me.
He clears his throat. “What do you want me to say? I told you not to leave, Nora. I told you, you had a place here with me.”
“That’s not what I'm talking about and you know it,” I deadpan.
“Oh, you mean the kiss,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “It was good for me if that’s what you’re…”
“Jax…” I warn. “Be serious for once in your life.”
He sighs deeply. “I don’t know what I'm supposed to do, Nor. You left and it’s like this massive fucking hole just opened up in my chest. You’re supposed to be here with me, not a million miles away on the other side of the country.” My heart races and my stomach flips at his honesty. But that’s just Jax, honest to a fault, especially with me. “If you haven’t figured it out, I’ve fucking loved you since we were seventeen years old. I finally have you, and then you’re gone the next day like it never happened.”
Shame creeps in, and so does doubt. Was it a bad idea to leave New York? Was I holding out hope for something that was never, ever going to be fixed?
“I didn’t know…”
“Bullshit,” he says, cutting me off. “Bullshit, you didn’t know.”
“That’s not fair.” I sit on the edge of my bed, staring at the clock and knowing I'm running late. “You’ve had years, Jax. Years to tell me how you felt, but instead, you were with other girls constantly. You used to tell me all about your bad one-night stands. How exactly does that translate into ‘Nora, I've been in love with you my whole life’?
“I don’t want to fight,” he says with a long sigh. “Not until we can hash this out in person. It’s not fair that you’re there withthemwhile I'm…”
“You don't have to worry about River and Luca,” I say before he can finish that thought. Jax goes silent. “They hate me, just like I knew they would. Luca made it clear today that I'm not wanted in his house, and River’s too busy with his new girlfriend to care about me.” I can't keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“I'm not trying to be a dick, but what did you expect?” he asks. My mouth dries up as I frown into the distance, staring out the sunny window of my bedroom. “You’re putting too much energy into groveling for guys who never cared enough to search for you. If it had been me, I would have flown my ass to wherever you were and forced you to come to your senses.”
