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"Everything okay?" Ryder asks from behind me.
I unsteadily nod, turning around. I miscalculate the distance between us and nearly bump my head against his nose. I hurriedly step back.
"I think so. It's just a little strange. I know who I am, yet it feels like I don't. That probably sounds strange, doesn't it?"
He shakes his head, strands of his blond hair falling into his eyes. "Not at all. There's been times when I've gone months without looking at myself, and it's always weird to look in a mirror again. I can't even imagine how strange this is for you."
Strange, indeed, especially when my eyes turned red. Maybe I just imagined that, though. Perhaps being out of the channels is simply messing with my head. Then why does everything I'm seeing, feeling, and hearing seem realer than anything ever has in my entire life?
Chapter Ten
Life and Death
I decide not to tell Ryder about how I thought my eyes glowed red. While I think I can trust him, a voice inside my mind begs me to keep quiet. I worry the guys might think I'm crazy. Or worse, what if something is wrong with me and they decide to leave me? I don't want to be left behind.
By the time Ryder and I get back to the table, Blaise and Reece are there, hunched over in what appears to be an intense conversation. Blaise has a serious, determined look on his face as he tells Reece something. Reece seems calmer, simply listening and nodding occasionally. I start to strain my ears to listen, but then I note the four plates on the table and the most delicious-looking food I've ever seen, and all thoughts leave my mind.
But before I can sit down and dive in, Ryder announces, "We should go find a room to bunk up in and then eat."
Blaise and Reece glance up. The three of them exchange a mysterious look. Then Blaise and Reece rise to their feet before they collect the plates of food and silently make their way across the room.
Reece nods for me to follow them and walks behind me so the four of us are filed in a line. We turn down another long, narrow hallway lined with so many doors I lose count.
"You sure no one's staying in this one?" Ryder asks Blaise as we finally stop in front of a door. "I don't want to fall asleep and then be woken up ten minutes later by some drunken asshole who thinks this is their room."
"I already talked to Mable. She said we were good to stay here for tonight." Blaise unlocks the door then walks inside the room. He sets down the plate he's carrying on a crate then unfolds a blanket and spreads it out on the floor. "Mable did say that she thinks Allura should sleep in another room."
"Hell no. I'm not leaving her anywhere alone." Ryder shucks off his hoodie then removes the sling of bullets strapped across his chest. "Not after some jackass tried to get into the room when she was showering."
Blaise's jaw drops as his gaze darts to me. "What?"
I inch toward Ryder. While I'm not afraid of Blaise, something about his intensity makes me feel like I'm about to dive off a cliff ... willingly.
"It was after I got out of the shower," I say. "A guy and a girl were on the other side of the door, and they kept trying to get in."
When he continues to gape at me, I hurry and tell him what happened, making sure to mention the voice I heard.
"I bet it was Maxx and Lucille," Blaise says, lowering himself onto the blanket.
Reece takes a seat beside him and picks at a roll he collects from a plate. "Why would you think that? There's a ton of people down here, Blaise." He pops a piece of a roll into his mouth. "You can't go around, making accusations without any proof. Remember what happened last time?"
"What happened last time?" I kneel down on the blanket and eye the food, my mouth salivating.
"Blaise nearly got himself executed." Ryder sits beside me and crisscrosses his legs.
"What?" I stare at Blaise in disbelief.
Blaise picks up a fork and takes a bite of potatoes. "It's really not that uncommon, Allura. Out here ... Well, there aren't many laws, but the few that are enforced have pretty severe punishments."
"This place scares me," I admit. "But it's not as bad as the channels."
Ryder scoots a plate in front of me. "Eat up."
I smile gratefully, peel a chunk of the roll off, and stuff it into my mouth. The bread tastes amazingly mouthwatering good.
The three of them trade another look as I shove my mouth full. Then Reece locks his eyes on me, rubbing at a large welt below his eye.
"Allura, we need to talk to you about Lex," Reece says. "I need you to try to remember as many details about him as you can: how he talked, what he looked like, any strange details about him. While I doubt he's down here, we need to be safe. Safe and cautious are always better."
"He had dark hair and pale skin, but most wardens look like that." I swallow down a mouthful of food. "His nose was kind of crooked."
"That's good." Reece nods his head encouragingly. "Anything else? Maybe he smelled different?"
"I never noticed a smell." I press my hand to my chest, remembering the last time Lex was in my room, how he placed his palm over my heart, and the excruciating pain that came afterward. "He touched me here the last time I saw him," I say quietly. "Visitors did that to me all the time, but Lex was the first warden who ever did it."
Reece licks a glob of melted butter off the side of his hand. "It's not completely unheard of for a warden to feed on the prisoners in the channels, but they usually stick to their own, personal prisoners."
Feed? I gasp in shock then start to choke on a mouthful of potatoes.
Ryder pats my back as I cough, food spewing out of my nose and mouth.
Blaise leaps to his feet, digs a bottle of water out of the pocket of his jacket, and returns to my side. He untwists the cap and hands the bottle to me. "Take a drink."
I grab the bottle and down a few large gulps, gasping for air.
"Good?" Ryder asks when I stop hacking.
I nod, setting the bottle down by my plate. "Sorry, you just startled me when you said wardens feed on their prisoners."
Reece glances at Blaise, his brow arching. "I thought you already told her."
Blaise shakes his head, sits down, and stuffs a bite of potatoes into his mouth. "I was waiting for the right time."
"There's never a right time for these things," Reece says, picking at a roll.
"Yeah, but ..." Blaise fiddles with a stud in his brow. "Normally, we don't have to explain how fucked up a Nameless situation was. They usually can't understand enough."
"Would you stop talking around her?" Ryder warns. "She can hear everything you're saying."
"I know that." Blaise glares at Ryder, but when he looks at me, the harshness in his eyes dissipates. His lips part, but no words come out. He shakes his head and stares at his food, picking through the vegetables.
&n
bsp; Reece sighs, shoving to his feet. He winds around the blanket and drops down beside me, close enough our shoulders touch. Like with Ryder and Blaise, his presence makes me feel safe, not afraid, so I don't lean away.
"There's some stuff you should know about what the wardens did to you," he starts. "Blaise explained how humans are at the bottom of the food chain, right?" he asks, and I nod. "The thing is ... The reason they're at the bottom of the food chain is because watchers are stronger, and to get more strength and longevity, they steal it from humans."
I force down the mouthful of food. "So, when they put their hands on my chest, they stole strength from me?"
He nods, his eyes never wavering from me. "And not just strength, but"--his gaze flicks from Blaise to Ryder before landing on me again--"they stole some of your life."
"Visitors stole some of my life every time they put their hands on my chest ... and Lex, too?" I trace the square patterns of the quilt below me as I try to process what they're saying. "What did it do to me, exactly?"
Reece's Adams apple bobs as he swallows hard. "Every time a visitor puts their hands on your chest, they're stretching out the span of their life and reducing yours. Depending on how many times they did it to you, they might have reduced your lifespan by years, maybe even a few decades."
I release a shaky breath as the air gets knocked out of me. "S-so, I could die soon?"
"Not necessarily," Ryder says, quickly scooting in front of me. "The wardens were pretty particular about who got to feed on you. That might've limited how many times you were fed on."
"Allura, do you have any idea how many visitors bought your time?" Reece asks with a cautious edge to his tone.
I shiver, suddenly feeling cold. "I don't know. Maybe a few thousand, if not more. It's hard to remember, because my memories are sometimes hazy. But sometimes, I'd try to keep track just so ..." I shrug. "I don't know."
The color drains from Ryder's face. "A few thousand?"
"Is that bad?" I ask, feeling queasy.
The three of them stare at me like I'm a foreign creature that shouldn't exist.
"The highest number I've heard of is five hundred," Reece says. "And he--"
"That's enough!" Blaise snaps, chucking his fork onto the plate. "She doesn't need to know everything right away. She can have some time to enjoy her freedom."
