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Who am I kidding? Nico has all the power over my wildest desires. My body aches for him, while my head curses at me, waving red flags and caution tape. But the touch of Nico—that is something that no amount of intelligence can deny. I toed the line constantly, since he walked into my home that night, between sanity and lust. And right now, the lust is smashing my sanity in its deadly, cold hands.
I don’t know who I am in this very moment. I’ve never been at such an impasse in my life.
Who am I anymore? I thought I was going from one life to the same one, just in a different state. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Nico is mercurial. Hot then cold. Arousing then terrorizing. At least with my family I knew the minefields to avoid and exactly where I stood. When I came into this marriage, I had a job to do, and now I’ve abandoned it. Thrust into this life with Nico has been nothing like I expected, and I don’t know how to live and exist in his world.
I have to ignore the lust. Leave it behind and respect what little shred of sanity I have left. Which is a thread still burning, and each single strand is withering away the more we’re within feet of one another.
“No, do not touch me, Nico. Take me back to the boat and back to Seattle. I want to be far away from you.” This time, the tears refuse to be dammed. My voice trembles, and that vulnerability I said I would cling to? Yeah, that’s shot to shit. I'm tired, and I just want out. I want to be free from everything restraining me at this very moment.
He stops, his face turning serious, all deviousness disappearing in the blink of an eye.
“Fine. We will go home.” And just like that, he takes out his phone, calls the guards, and gestures for me to walk ahead of him. I’m dumbfounded, honestly. I would have thought he would fight me on this. Tell me I had no choice and keep me captive on the boat for the remainder of the honeymoon. It takes me a few moments, but I set into motion, occasionally looking over my shoulder at him. Nico stays a few feet back as we walk toward the dock.
This is the last thing I remember clearly. This is when my battery drains to empty and I move on autopilot. Everything from leaving Greece to getting home is a blur.
And when I get home, my sleeping pills help keep me practically comatose.
For three whole weeks, I ignore Nico. I ignore my parents. And most of all, I ignore my own inner thoughts.
I just want to disappear into a silent place inside myself.
The last real conversation we had was more or less mechanical and required. Every night, he would come to bed after I closed my eyes, and he was gone before they opened again. Can't complain. I wanted to be as far away from him as I could get, and I got that.
Then it comes. The arrangement my ever-so-loving husband planned. My family is coming to Seattle so they can be interrogated.
He may just find what he’s searching for, and the bloodbath will begin. I just hope I’m the first one down and can finally say goodbye to this bullshit.
Or maybe I can sneak out and run for the hills. Maybe even a different country. Start a new life with a new identity and say “fuck you all” and have a great life.
Would I be found in time? Probably. But then again, there is a chance I could live the rest of my life under the radar.
Doesn’t that sound fucking beautiful?
Everything from my so-called honeymoon up until the meeting with my parents is ridden with self-pity and great remorse for the shit show that is and will most likely always be my life.
CHAPTER NINE
NICO
Emelia went silent that day.It's been three weeks since we came home from our overnight trip. No one would call that a honeymoon. She walks the penthouse, silent and moving like she’s on empty. Giulio and I have spent time in meetings with all the outfits we’ve made alliances with, and I stayed at the club most nights until I knew she was asleep.
I'd check the bedroom camera, and the second her head hit the pillow, I would head home, sneak into bed, and slip out before she woke. I was able to get work done and put all my effort back into knowing what was going on in my city. My knuckles became bloody again, my barrel was emptied multiple times, and I was finding outlets for my rage again.
I was angry for the way Emelia handled what was supposed to be our time away together, and the way she turned into this shell of a person. There is nothing to say, and it's not in me to try to nurture her or make her feel better for this life. I make no apologies for who I am. But the life I am providing her is paved in gold compared to what she had at home.
Emelia is infuriating. She is selfish. And self-centered. She should be thanking me and falling in fucking line.
Tonight, however, will prove to be an interesting one, I'm sure. Her family is coming to dinner. Well… stepping into my kingdom, so I can look her old fuck of a father in the eye and make sure he isn’t trying to low ball me and fuck around in my world. If he is, that’s the most idiotic thing he could ever do. I will not give Emelia back to him, and I will kill him. I won't hold back. Giuseppe Notelli was my father’s enemy, and that makes him mine as well.
Especially after what he did. What he and his brainless fuck of a son planned and executed. I will hate him until I can kill him, and the best part is having his daughter. He will watch me take her and build an empire to overrule him no matter the size of his army. Then, I will kill him. I will do what I’ve been planning to do for a long time.
Does Emelia know that? That her father and mine were enemies? Did she know about the decades-long war they rained on one another? There is no way she knows what my plans are and that the war never ended, that I just carried it on. She thinks this was all about joining families, when really it was the demise of hers.
Emelia may be in a fog now, but I do know her enough to understand she isn’t a dumb woman, and she wouldn’t have agreed to marry me if she knew that.
“Sir, the Notellis have arrived,” Giulio informs me.
Looking up at him from where I'm sitting at my desk in the office, I give a nod.“Emelia?”
