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I hear Marissa say loudly, “I was there. She was all over Brad’s junk. Sluts deserve what they get.” I squirm uncomfortably in my seat. I’m halfway out of my seat when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
I turn around to look into the kind brown eyes of Mario Gonzalez. He’s a transfer this year, and a nice guy. The football players have taken to throwing him around like a football in between classes because he’s so small.
He gives me a sweet smile. “Ronnie, we all know what really happened. Don’t listen to that junk. Nobody believes it. I think you’re the bravest girl I’ve ever known.” He blushes and ducks his head.
“Thanks, Mario. You’re the best.” His cheeks turn scarlet and his grin blooms wider.
I turn around and sit up tall in my chair. I tune out the sniggers until Mr. Snell starts class. It feels good to have some support.
Lunch is another obstacle to get through. I sit with Sam, but everyone watches us intently. I feel like I’m under a microscope. I get up wearily to throw away my still full plate. “I’m going to sit in the bathroom for a little while Sam. I just need a moment. I’ll meet you in front of Calculus in a few.” She nods her head sadly. She looks like she wants to give me another pep talk, but at the last moment sighs and shakes her head. I think she realizes I need to be away from all the craziness for a few minutes.
For once today, I’m very grateful to be in a snooty rich school. The bathroom, unlike most school bathrooms, is clean and super nice. There’s even a bidet in here. I sit down in the stall and put my head in my hands. I scrub my face and take a deep breath. I straighten immediately when I hear someone talking on their cell phone.
“Yeah, he’s out on bail so we’re gonna go party down at the river.” It’s Marissa’s voice. I bite my lip. Crap, why can’t I get away from this girl?
“Nah girl, he’s not goin’ back to jail. No way in hell. Not with the money his family’s got. He gave me a few thousand just to keep my mouth shut. Not that I need it.”
She’s silent for a second and I feel like vomiting. Is this really the way these people think? Is the truth so foreign to her and the others that it doesn’t matter anymore?
“The only reason he got in trouble is because she’s Principal Hester’s daughter. I told him not to mess with the bitch. Why he would want a goody-two shoes like that is beyond me anyway. Though, I wouldn’t mind letting her daddy make me feel good. That man is hot as fuck. Total DILF.” She laughs. “Bye, girl. Talk to you later.”
I hear the water running in the sink. I sit in the stall shaking in rage for a couple of moments. She knew exactly what she was leading me into that night. She knew and she didn’t care. And now she’s making sure she comes out of this thing looking golden.
She’s right. I’m always a good girl. I’m always the quiet one, the one who doesn’t make trouble. Ever since mom died, I’ve made sure not to make waves because I didn’t want dad to have to worry. But right now, I don’t feel like that meek girl. I feel like it’s time to fight back.
I open the stall with a heavy push and the door slams against the wall. Marissa jumps a little and I can’t help the small smirk that comes to my lips. Her eyes narrow in the mirror as she finishes putting on her lipstick. I watch her quietly, with my arms crossed.
“What are you doing, weirdo? Hiding out in the bathroom like the loser you are?” Her snide comment makes my smile grow.
She turns around with a hand on one hip. Her expression is perplexed, but still has a touch of haughtiness to it. The queen is still sitting high on her throne. “What the hell are you smiling at?”
I rock back on my heels. “Just smilin’ at the lying piece of crap standing in front of me.”
I notice her hands clench at her sides and I take a step forward. I’m ready for anything she wants to dish out. She rolls her eyes and her cockiness never wavers. “Whatever. You know you wanted it that night. Why wouldn’t you? Brad’s hot and you, you’re nothing. You should be begging him to touch you.”
“I wouldn’t touch Brad with a ten-foot pole and he knew it. That’s why he tried to force me. What’s more, you went along with it, which is as bad as what he did. What kind of girl puts another girl in that situation?”
She cocks her head and sneers. “Like you’re some kind of feminist. I can tell what you think about me and the cheerleaders. You think we’re vain and empty-headed. Whatever. At the end of the day, you’re just like the rest of us. I know why you went on that trip. You wanted to see what it was like to hang out with the popular crowd. You wanted to feel like an insider, for once. I get it. But the truth is, you’ll never be anything more than what you are. An outsider, who tiptoes around like a little mouse. No one even noticed you until Brad started being interested in you.”
“If that’s what it takes to get people’s interest, I don’t want any part of it. I’m happier being on the outside if it takes screwing a guy like Brad.”
There’s a sneer on her face, but I stare into her eyes and see a sadness that lurks there. I’ve never noticed it before, but now I can’t stop thinking that something happened to this girl to make her the way she is. My dad’s voice in my head reminds me that some people aren’t as lucky as I, that some people don’t know unconditional love, and never will. It reminds me that some people have hate in their hearts because that’s all they’ve been shown.
She sighs and glances down at the linoleum for a second. “Brad’s not that bad, you know? If you had done what he said, then you would have had everything. I mean, all you had to do was screw him. It’s not like that’s such a big deal.” She flips her brown hair back and looks up to glare at me.
“I feel so sorry for you.” I say it quietly and for a moment she stands there like I’ve slapped her.
“What? Why the hell would someone like you feel sorry for me?” Her attempt at her normal snotty tone goes awry, and her voice ends on a shaky note.
“I do feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that somewhere along the way someone taught you that your body isn’t important. I feel bad that someone taught you that it’s okay to let a guy treat you like dirt. We all deserve to be loved without strings. We also deserve to feel special without sacrificing ourselves. I’m sorry that you don’t feel like being you is enough.” I take a deep breath. “And I’m sorry if I ever contributed to that feeling.” I can’t believe that I’m apologizing, but what she said earlier was true. I immediately lumped her and all the cheerleaders into a group, and never got to know them as individuals. I pre-judged them, even as they did the same to me.
She shakes her head back and forth and backs away from me. Her eyes are full of unshed tears and her voice quavers. “Whatever, nerd girl. I’ve got better things to do than talk to you.” She stomps out and slams the bathroom door behind her. I stand there, still shaking in my shoes, and put my arm around my middle. What I wouldn’t give for my mom to be here to hold me for just a little while.
Chapter Thirty
I’m a rich, white, powerful male. Of course, I make my own rules. -Uncle Robert
Sawyer
