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Jerk.
“I was a young girl with an infatuation,” I informed him. “You shouldn’t mistake who I was for who I am now.”
Lee made no comment so I kept going.
“That said, I am what I am. I’m still a wild child. I still do stupid, crazy things. I listen to rock ’n’ roll, loud. I lip sync with drag queens. I find it fun to try to out-attitude the Sushi Den hostesses, and sometimes Ally and me even joyride around Denver. I haven’t changed and you can’t control me. If you even want to, I’m gone.”
“There’s a difference between controlling and protecting,” he remarked.
“Yeah, be careful not to cross that line. A line, I might add, you crossed this morning.” I was on a roll. “And while we’re talking about control, I may not have changed, butyouhave. The Lee I thought I loved when I was a teenager is not you.”
Thatpissed him off and his eyes narrowed. “I’mnot hiding anything.”
“Do you mean to imply that I am?”
“Jesus, Indy, if you had the wall around you any more fortified, it’d be so deep you’d be in fucking Mexico.”
“I’ve always let it all hang out!”
“Bullshit.”
I made an angry noise that sounded like someone had punched me in the stomach.
“You got something to say?” I demanded.
His face changed. There was something there I’d never seen before. Something the looks of which scared the hell out of me.
When he spoke, his voice was softer, even gentle.
“You live every day like tomorrow isn’t gonna come. Your mother died before she reached your age. You watched your father choose to live a lonely life rather than replace her. It doesn’t take a psychologist to put those things together and figure out why you allow yourself to take care of all the Rosies and Texes of the world, but don’t allow anyone to get very close to you.”
That was when I felt like Ihadbeen punched in the stomach.
I turned my head away and bucked again. “Get off me.”
“Un-unh.” He curved his hand around my chin and jaw and forced me to look at him. “I’m not gettin’ off, not goin’ away, not playin’ any more games or wastin’ any more fuckin’ time. I don’t believe in fate or destiny or any of that bullshit. What I know is that, as far as I can tell, there isn’t another woman I’ve met who fits my life, who doesn’t care if I get home late after she’s made a special dinner, who doesn’t have a hemorrhage when I talk about one of my men gettin’ shot, goin’ off about howshefeels about my work. You got up and made everyone coffee, for fuck’s sake. You’re a woman who tells me to be careful when I tell her I’m out hunting humans instead of bitchin’ and wantin’ to process how my career choice makesherfeel. If an employee walked into their kitchen with a gun and shot at their neighbor, most people would lose their fucking minds. You spent the morning makin’ brownies and the afternoon sleepin’ in the sun. You live hard, play hard and don’t seem to be scared of anything, but manage to keep a softness about you that’s almost unreal. You wanted me to tell you why I’m sure about you, that’s why I’m sure. You grew up and your only parent was a cop. You know the drill. I don’t have any interest in trainin’ someone to get it and I need someone strong enough to live with it. That’s you.”
I stared at him, eyes wide. I’d never heard him say so much all at one time in my life. And I’d known him my entire life.
“How often do your men get shot?” I asked.
“Shot at, too often. Shot, luckily, rarely.”
I wanted to ask how often he got shot at or had been shot. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to know the answer. So I didn’t ask.
“Smart decision,” he murmured. He was in my brain. Again.
“I do get scared,” I whispered. “You scare me.”
His eyes crinkled. “That’s the best thing I’ve heard in a week.”
I was stunned. “That you scare me?”
His mouth brushed mine.
“If I scare you then you care. I’m the same Lee, just older and smarter. You love me. Eventually your wall will come down and you’ll admit it to yourself, and then you’ll admit it to me.”
Jeez, he wassococky.
